Female Housemate Forced To Squat Above Toilet Bowl

"I really do understand why women live longer than men."

Female Housemate Forced To Squat Above Toilet Bowl

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

A 23-year old living in the Brisbane suburb of West End has opened up to The Betoota Advocate today about the grim state of affairs for women living in predominantly-male sharehouses.

“I live with four guys. Two work in construction, one works in real estate and the other is a full-time student,”

“They are all single, they are all functional alcoholics, and they are absolute pigs,” says Sally Cooper, an accountant originally from Brisbane’s bayside.

“But it’s not just them, it’s men in general… Speak to any girl who lives with in bachelor pads – they drink five nights a week and never clean up”

Aside from the persistent propositions of romance and drunken confessions, Sally says the worst aspect of life with boys is the lack of respect shown for the bathroom.

Sally's sharehouse bathroom is a sad state of affairs
Sally’s sharehouse bathroom is a sad state of affairs

“They shit and don’t flush, they piss absolutely everywhere, they shave their body hair and leave it on the floor, they blow their noses into the sink… They’ll occasionally vomit in there too”

Sally says Alcohol is the number one contributor to her life with boys
Sally says Alcohol is the number one contributor to her household woes

“If there was a child living here, I’d be calling DOCS”

But still, with all of the torment, Sally can still see the benefits of living with boys.

“Put it this way. I am essentially the head of the household,”

“I never realised you could achieve so much with one greasy look,”

“These deadshits know that I am the only voice of reason in their life… So when I decide I’m not happy with them, they know about it”

“If I have a problem with one of them in particular, I like to wait until he is mercilessly hungover, before I tell him how much of a pathetic piece of shit he is”

Sally believes that living in a bachelor pad can be a sustainable lifestyle for young women, providing they make a few sacrifices.

“I have had to learn to squat above the toilet bowl, wear thongs in the shower, and wear earplugs in bed. I even have to lock my bedroom door at night incase they try to raid my stash of booze,”

“I am learning to love it though. They often ask me for advice on women, I really could go on for hours…”

“I really do understand why women live longer than men.”