Experts Confirm That Wogs Love Soccer

Experts Confirm That Wogs Love Soccer

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

Australian people of Southern and Eastern European descent are not giving up on soccer anytime soon, a report has found.

The Monash Univerity study concluded that Western Oriental Gentleman (Wogs) were by the far the most interested in non-contact football, out of all Australian demographics.

Professor Sean Webster-Hourigan spoke to The Betoota Advocate today, about the University’s three-year, government-funded study into the cultural practices of Wogs in Australia.

“Wogs are a particularly hard subject to study. What defines a Wog? Some may ask,” said the 72-year-old award-winning academic.

“This paper was conducted under the presumption that Wogs were Australians who migrated from a certain parts of Europe and the Middle East. No further West than Italy and no further East than Lebanon,”

The Monash University map defines which European and Middle Eastern Countries were considered Wog-Origins
The Monash University map defines which European and Middle Eastern Countries were considered Wog-Origins

The 19-strong team of researchers came to the conclusion that in general, a vast majority of Wogs love the “world game” of soccer (Also known as “Football” when talking to Wogs) – far more than non-Wog Australians.

The study, which cost the government around $10 million, revealed that at least 90% of Australian Wogs, of all ages, had been involved in a soccer-related physical altercation while celebrating cultural traditions with extended family. These events could include Greek Easter, Ramadan or Christmas.

Australia's National Soccer team, The Socceroos, is predominantly made up of Australian-born Wogs
Australia’s National Soccer team, The Socceroos, is predominantly made up of Australian-born Wogs

“That is not to suggest that Wogs don’t enjoy other sports. They are very much a sport-loving people,”

“Fair-skinned Wogs are well-known for their love of Tennis as well as soccer… Tomic, Dokic, Phillopousis”

“While Middle-Eastern Wogs are known for their love of the more “Australian” football codes like rugby league and Aussie Rules… Robbie Farah, Hazem El Masri, John Eren, Adam Saad”

In the National Rugby League, The Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs are well-known for their inclusive "family" club. One that has always been popular with Wogs.
In the National Rugby League, The Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs are well-known for their inclusive “family” club. One that has always been popular with Wogs.

However, the new study, while groundbreaking, is not without it’s critics. Many prominent Australians have taken offense at the definition of Wog.

Prominent television personality, Karl Stefanovic, has blasted the study after discovering that his families Czech background was not considered Wog enough to be included in the findings.

“My family have always considered ourselves to be Wogs. These skippy academics think they can define a term that they had no part in creating… It’s absolute nonsense,”

Karl Stefanovic's humble migrant family demand the right to be known as wogs.
Karl Stefanovic’s humble migrant family demand the right to be known as wogs.

“Maybe it’s just a Queensland thing, We are definitely considered Wogs up there,”

However, Professor Sean Webster-Hourigan has defended the Universities definition of Wog.

“The definition has always been quite blurry, but we are content the samples we used,” he said.

“Question marks have always existed around the term itself. Where does it come from? Some say Western Oriental Gentleman, some say Worshipful Oriental Gentlemen,”

“I would say the term dates back to the Snowy River Scheme. The migrant workers were initially known as Workers Of Government (W.O.Gs)

Professor Sean Webster-Hourigan also made the point of clarifying that it Wog is a non-denominational term of endearment.

“Religion has no part in defining who is and isn’t a Wog. They can be Orthodox, Maronite, Muslim or Athiest… It pretty much comes down to the weird food they eat”

“Anything wrapped in spinach… That’s a Wog”

“Salami… Wog”

“Hommus? You can bet your bottom dollar that you are dealing with Wogs”