Cyclists caught without helmets will be forced to become organ donors

It's about time cyclists give back to their community, says the government.

Cyclists caught without helmets will be forced to become organ donors

16 February, 2016. 15:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IN A MOVE TO BOTH unclutter our roads and give Australians a second chance at life, any cyclist caught without a helmet in NSW will be forced to enrol as an organ donor, says the health department.

Motorcyclists and cyclists donate more organs than the rest of the population put together, but that’s still not enough to satisfy the demand.

The NSW government agrees that they shouldn’t have to foot the bill for somebody falling off their bike and hitting their head, which they would under the current legislation. Rather, the government wants to get some bang for their buck, should a cyclist’s brain die after an accident.

“People who end up in hospital after falling off their bike and hitting their heads are costing us millions of dollars each year,” said one government official.

“That’s why the fines have gone up – but that’s not what this current model is working around. At the moment, organ donation is strictly voluntary¬†– which is quite arbitrary¬†considering the current shortage of organs in Australia,”

“This new plan should create a surplus of all organs, even eye corneas.”

However, a president of a local cycling club has lashed out at the government plan, saying that Australian cities need to start following the European model of bike transport.

“Look at Copenhagen, Amsterdam and London – they’re all cities built on two wheels,” says Woollahra Peloton Captain, Basil McGehey.

“The system works over there. Bike injuries are at an all-time low in those cities. Most cycling-related traffic incidents are caused by motor vehicles here in Australia. Wake up, people. This neo-fascist Baird government will take away our right to walk soon.”

To the chagrin of Mr McGehey, NSW transport minister Gladys Berejiklian says you simply cannot compare Sydney, or any other Australian capital to a European bike mecca.

“There’s one thing about Copenhagen, Amsterdam and London. They’re all built on flat ground. You cannot expect a normal person to cycle from Mosman to the city for work – they’d be half fucked before they even got there,” she said.

“And bikes are a relatively new introduction to Sydney, where it’s hilly as fuck. And the reason why more cyclists are involved in motor vehicle accidents are because they ride on the road, but bike to the beat of their own drum.”