Clive Palmer sets off on adventure to find that Thai island from ‘The Beach’

"There's too much heat on me at home these days. I need to spend a few weeks lying on a beach smoking dope before I go mad," he said.

Clive Palmer sets off on adventure to find that Thai island from ‘The Beach’

23 November, 2016. 15:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

SPORTING A CLASSIC GREG Chappell cricket hat and a briefcase full of dreams, former politician turned besieged company director Clive Palmer arrived today in the Kingdom of Thailand on a quest to find that island from 2000’s The Beach.

While many official guidebooks suggest that Ko Phi Phi Leh is the island setting in which the film was shot on, but the 1996 novel that the movie was adapted from describes a different place entirely.

“That’s the place I’m trying to find,” explained Palmer. “Not that Westernised quagmire that’s packed to the brim with liquored-up Irishmen and women from the British midlands. I’m looking for The Beach.”

Controversy surrounding the 62-year-old’s business activities has seen him dragged in and out of court for much of the year, leading some to conclude that the new, svelte and sporty Clive Palmer is just trying to get away from it all.

Now that the former Member for Fairfax has shed over 20kg through strong self-discipline and Lite’n’Easy, Mr Palmer finally feels up to slashing his way through the rainforest and swim the against powerful tides of the Malaca Strait.

“I’m fitter than I’ve ever been and I feel great. I feel powerful as an ox, I could break Gordon Tallis’ arms like twigs,” said Palmer, via Skype.

“I’ve made a few new mates in the hostel here. It’s a pretty good way to live. Anyway mate, I’m best be off. I’ll give you a bell when I get to The Beach, wish me luck.”

We here at The Advocate do wish you luck, Clive. Safe travels.

More to come.

3 Responses to "Clive Palmer sets off on adventure to find that Thai island from ‘The Beach’"

  1. Robo   November 23, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    I don’t wish him well. Feed the reef sharks with your own lard and burn in hell you nickel-worker -sacking scumbag. You’ve got the ethics of a Calcutta sewer rat.

  2. Berto   November 23, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    Isn’t that picture actually Harold from Neighbours after he had a stroke?

  3. Pudenda Non Grata   November 24, 2016 at 10:08 am

    Didn’t Ko Pee Pee get fuct up like real bad by that Big Fucking Wave a while back?

    And that Greg Chappell hat looks suspiciously like a Tilley Hat! I wonder who copied whom? The Tilley Hat goes back to the late 70s early 80s.

    If you’re off to The Land of Smiles from Australia via the Malacca Strait (two c’s), check out Kraka-fucking-toa on the way by. Awesome!


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