17 May, 2017. 12:23
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A student at the prestigious South Betoota TAFE campus has revealed to The Advocate this morning that he’s been living off cheap post-Easter chocolate eggs and near-stale hot cross buns – because that’s all he’s able to afford.
Graham Poolman, a second-year horticulture student, said he’s eaten nothing but chocolate and highly-processed bread since Easter this time last month.
“You should see what’s coming out of me, it’s like the Exxon Valdez,” said the 21-year-old.
“But all that Easter food is so gotdam cheap at the moment, it’s hard to walk past. I don’t feel very well and my teeth hurt, but what can you do? I can’t afford anything else.”
Poolman then helped himself to a handful of individually-packed Mentos sitting in a bowl in the reception of The Advocate’s offices.
“Do you mind? I’m trying to get some diversity back in my diet.”
Mary-Belle Frogmole, manager of Frogmole IGA on Wentworth Road, told our reporters that the Easter-themed foods are flying off the shelves and shoppers can expect to save big.
“You can pick up a 1kg Lindt Bilby for $1 at the moment. It’s also not Halal so you can rest easy knowing you’re not supporting Islamic State or Sharia Law.”
“Our hot cross buns are even cheaper, though they’re almost stale enough to drive a star picket into a real quartz-heavy gibber stone plain. But at 20 cents for a 6-pack, who could walk past that? Scrumptious.”
More to come.
EDIT: Mr Poolman collapsed outside the offices of The Advocate a short time ago and went into cardiac arrest. He’s been rushed to Betoota Base Hospital, where he’s listed in a critical condition.