27 July, 2015. 16:09
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THERE IS A PART of Northern Australia that’s still untouched by the outside world.
Outsiders who dare to visit are often greeted with hostility. They have their archaic views mocked and their livelihoods called in to disrepute.
As a young man from neighbouring Charleville found out the hard way in 2004. He travelled to this tiny lost pocket of Brisbane to attend the graduation of his older sister, who’d managed to find a way in to the community – who then accepted her as one of their own.
Tragically, when he arrived in West End, on Brisbane’s western riverside fringe, he was accosted by a gang well-to-do young women who represented various anti-agricultural groups. They recognised him instantly. He was their target. From the Channel Country bash in his sunburnt Akura, to his faded Canterbury footy shorts – all they found of him was his well-worn Rivers boat shoes.
West End is a tightly-held slice of Queensland’s only progressive paradise. Plagued by sodomy and rampant drug abuse, it’s Brisbane – infected with the Sydney virus.
However, three men from Betoota are planning an expedition into the uncharted coastal exterior.
Local stockman and amateur anthropologist Hamish Greenway, says he expects to met with hostility when he arrives in West End next week.
“I’ve loaded up on oranges, tinned corn and .30-30 hollow points,” says Greenway.
“You can drop a Water Buffalo at a hundred yards with one of these fuckers. It should make short work of anything I expect to run in to in Brisbane,”
“Can’t be too careful. We’ve heard stories of their flippant ignorance and self-entitlement. Those things can get you in to big trouble out here.”
Another Betootanese member of the expedition is Jack Pearson, who shot to nationwide fame earlier this year after he shot eleven cattle rustlers and burnt their corpses in his horse paddock.
He escaped conviction after details of his ethnicity and wealth were made public by The Advocate.
“We’re taking my cruiser,” says Mr Pearson.
“The rumours are true. I’m looking forward to running over a Prius. I want to see the battery acid of a thousand hybrid cars run down the gutters of Brisbane,”
“I won’t shoot anybody – provided they don’t try to come close to my Toyota.”
Fairtrade Humanity International, a group advocating for the protection of cultural tribes, says the West Enders are the least grounded people on the planet.
“Perhaps no people on Earth remain more genuinely conceded than the West Enders,” the group says.
The Los Angeles-based humanitarian organisation believes the Western Enders are descended from migrants from Melbourne and Sydney.
“The fact that their language is so different even from other Queenslanders suggests that they have had little contact with other people for years,”
“Early explorers and anthropologists discovered that West End is the only area of Queensland where instant coffee is unheard of.”
The Betoota expedition leaves tomorrow morning from the racecourse. Mayor Cr Keith Carton is expected to make a speech ahead of the journey. Sausages, bacon and eggs on the hot plate from 7am.