Betoota Presents: The Honourable Bob Katter MP Tells His Most Infamous Yarns

The Honourable tells us about the last bloke he flogged in a Western Queensland pub, while he was actually a sitting member of Parliament.


28 June, 2016 13:40

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[dropcap]The 2016 election campaign has shown itself to be a very boring one[/dropcap] and media outlets are doing their very best to give this thing some blood. Whether it’s the faux-outrage machine or the vague Panama conspiracies, there is not clearly not enough scandal to keep the voters engaged for eight full weeks.

It’s for this reason that our newspaper has decided to make a point of meeting with the very few characters involved in this election. We’ve been drinking Albo Lager with Albo, driving through the backtraps of New England with Barnaby, we’ve even had a polite cup of tea in the Plains with Windsor… But there was still one personality we needed to interview:

The Honourable Bob Katter II – Federal Member For Kennedy.

As an old friend of Betoota, Mr Katter was happy to be interviewed by our proud bush paper.

However, there was one condition: The Betoota Advocate’s editors, Errol Parker and Clancy Overell had to feature in his most recent, and world-renowned, campaign video.

In exchange for the editors’ appearance in the controversial advertisement, where they featured as murdered ALP and LNP candidates, our newspaper was given the opportunity to return to Mount Isa this week for the State Of Origin II broadcast.

We were allowed to put a microphone on Mr Katter and ask him any questions we wanted – and he were given every answer we wanted.

As his foreign last name would suggest, there is a lot to Bob Katter.

Over the last twenty years, this icon of the Deep North has been questioned in the disappearance of several men across his electorate, he’s a man who would have played rugby league for Australia if he could keep his fists to himself, a man who is alleged to have slept with over 1000 women before settling down in 1970.

Pick your own Bob Katter MP adventure below:

Please enjoy our premiere Australian storytelling. Choose whichever epic Bob Katter yarn you wish.

WARNING: Some of these stories are NSFW

BOB KATTER TALKS ABOUT THE LAST BLOKE HE FLOGGED IN A WESTERN QUEENSLAND PUB

“Anyway… He got a good hiding”

Bob Katter is all for fun and games – but as he pointed out to us – if you want to make like Tarzan on his tie and shout obscenities at the barmaid – don’t be surprised if he pulls you up.

In this epic yarn, the Honourable tells us about the last bloke he flogged in a Western Queensland pub, while he was actually a sitting member of parliament.

TALKING ABOUT THE BALANCE OF POWER AND THE KATTER FAMILY TREE – ARE YOU BLACK OR NOT MATE?

“Some people go for sex… Me? I’m about the power. Better yet, the balance of power”

When the Honourable Member for Kennedy held the balance of power in 2010, he was promised a lot of things. Between Independent members (Oakshott, Windsor and The Honourable) the nod ended up in Julia Gillard’s direction – not before they were all offered very special deals from both sides.

Mr Katter tells us about how he dreams about holding the balance of power again, and how he ensures that, if it happens again, the entire nation will remain in a limbo until he gets what he wants

“I’m dark, I’m from Cloncurry… I guess you could say I am..”

The Katter family is about as diverse as the Kennedy electorate gets. What many people don’t know about The Honourable is that his olive skin isn’t necessarily a result of the sun.

As far as anyone can tell, the family tree is made up with a pinch of Arab, a dash of Murri and more Irish than anyone is comfortable with.

We asked Bob the big questions about his ancestry and this is what he had to say.

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BOB KATTER TALKS ABOUT THE TIME HE EGGED THE BEATLES

“Those smug little poms had no idea they were about to walk off the plane to. The Charters Towers boys were in great form that day”

One of the most infamous stories to come out of The Beatles 1964 visit to Australia was the fact that they were pelted with eggs when they arrived at the Brisbane airport. The culprits, a bunch of young bushies who claimed they taking part in an ‘intellectual reaction to Beatlemania’.

One of the fresh-faced country kids responsible for this international embarrassment was in fact the man who last held the balance of power in the 2010 Australian federal election, Bob Katter MP

TALKING BUSH FOOTY

Bob Katter comes from a long line of rugby league talent. He himself is one of the many stand out players to come out  of Cloncurry, and his son, Robbie Katter (State member for Mt Isa) played two games for the North Queensland Cowboys.

We went down to the Barkly Hotel in Mt Isa to watch Game II of the 2016 State Of Origin, a true bonding session.

KATTER TALKS ABOUT SOUTHERN WOWSERS APPROPRIATING HIS CULTURE

“They are happy to call us rednecks until they need a bit of culture to cling to, fuck em”

With his staple Akubra Arena, aviator sunglasses and plaited belt. Mr Katter is in now way a phoney.

He is very proud of his ancestry, country and family. But he does have an issue with being treated like a monkey with symbols. He can be warmly praised like Duke Phillip at one moment, and then told he needs to seek medical help by Warren Entsch MP the next.

Whether it’s the Reclaim Australia movement, or visiting Liberal politicians, The Honorable Bob has an issue with the cultureless bastards south of Brisbane appropriating, borrowing and copying his culture.

 

BOB’S BORING YET PASSIONATE TIRADE ABOUT FOREIGN INVESTMENT AND INFRASTRUCTURE

“Why is the money going to Melbourne? So they can get home fifteen minutes earlier to watch television?”

Bob is a passionate man, and although we tried our hardest to avoid stump speeches – he snuck in a fair a bit of bush politics.

SINGING STAN KOSTER/ SLIM DUSTY SONGS WITH THE HONOURABLE

The long days are dusty and hotter than hell.. and that’s why we all worship Three Rivers Hotel”

It is no lie that Bob Katter is a big fan of Australian country music, especially given that many of Slim Dusty and Stan Koster’s music was written about places inside his electorate.

Listen to the pipes on the old man below.

AND LASTLY, HOW THE FUCK DID BOB KATTER GET LEFT ALONE WITH THE KING AND QUEEN OF SPAIN

“They were impressed by me”

We’ll let Bob tell this story.