1 March, 2016. 15:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
SWEEPING NEW MEASURES from the NSW government were passed this morning that could see Australians who identify as any other religion than Christianity be locked out of Sydney’s Royal Easter Show.
In addition to these measures, having a Hillsong membership will also get families access to the fanfare for free.
What these new laws are, we’ll just have to wait and see.
Since the agricultural festival moved to its current home in Parramatta, organisers and government sponsors have been growing increasingly alarmed at the number of immigrants taking advantage of the Christian holiday and celebration.
“We don’t go to the Lakemba Ramadan Fête, so why do they come to the Royal Easter Show?” said organiser Betty O’Loughman.
“Because of the rides? The show bags? We should all stick to what we know, I know how to make Lamingtons and say no to my husband so that’s what I do. Simple.”
“We’re celebrating our farming heritage and the life of Jesus. Nothing else.”
Halal dagwood dogs have also been stripped from the menu and the alcohol-free wine already purchased for the event will now be mixed with vodka.
Hitting back at the show’s organisers, Brad Miller from the Royal Agricultural Society says that anybody can come and enjoy the show, no matter what colour you are or which god you pray to.
“Mate, the show’s fucked anyway,” he said.
“I haven’t seen a real farmer of stockman here since the show moved 1998. Most of the display cattle we use now are stunt animals and the produce hall is pretty much all plastic,”
“You’d have a better chance finding Peter Falconio here than anything genuinely agricultural.”
The squat toilets located adjacent to ANZ Stadium will also be torn up – that’s because according to Premier Michael Baird, Christians don’t shit on the floor.
“Look these measures are designed to lubricate the process of modernisation, colloquial integration and assimilation here in Western Sydney,” he said, with his psalms raised towards the audience.
“We’re not in the business of making new arrivals or members of a non-Australian community feel unwelcome, that’s why it’s best put your Christian Australian hat on when you head out to the show.”
The Advocate contacted the office of opposition leader Luke Foley for comment, something they said we’d get in 10-17 working days.
The shift towards locking out non-Christians from the Easter Show follows the Brisbane Ekka Week model, which has proven to be largely successful.
Non-Christians in Brisbane have long known the dangers of attending an event such as the Ekka Week, but luckily for Brisbane Lord Mayor Graham Quirk, most of the immigrants to his city love playing footy and going to church.
“Yeah mate, it’s a fucking cake walk up here, boss,” said Quirk.
“Besides the odd flood every now and then, she’s a pretty tight old god-fearing ship Brisbane is,”
“I’ve shaken Mike Baird’s hand and his handshake is limp.”