9 April, 2015. 15:35
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | firstname.lastname@example.org
After being held for six days without charge a Newtown man has been released in what amounted to a case of mistaken identity.
The 25 year old Newtown barista, who cannot be named by order of the court, received a public apology from the Australian Federal Police (AFP) yesterday over being mistaken for an Islamic extremist.
“We received information from a credible source that the suspect was planning to conduct terrorist actions in the heart of Sydney’s inner-west,” AFP Commissioner Anthony Kelvin said at a press conference this morning.
“In our defence the suspect had a thick beard, ate only Halal food and organised numerous pro-Palestine rallies. On this occasion we got it wrong, and we are sorry for that, but in the battle against terrorism small hiccups like this are inevitable.”
Sources within the AFP stated the man had been a subject of surveillance for some time, during which he made threats against senior cabinet members and was sighted with a “F*** Tony Abbott” T-shirt the same colour as the Islamic State flag.
Earlier this month the man used a Facebook comment to threaten Education Minister Christopher Pyne, stating: “If [he] f***s with my 8 yrs (sic) of HECS debt… He beter be ready for a voilent revolution!!”
When questioned by media over the mix-up the Newtown resident complained of rough treatment from police in the raid.
“Those swine trampled my fern garden, broke my sitar and slashed my custom bike seat,” he lamented.
“I eat Halal because my body is a temple and I want it blessed with every mouthful, even if organised religion is just fascist mind control.
“If respecting my body and sporting a lush beard is a crime now then maybe I should be locked up.”
Prime Minister Tony Abbott broke his silence on the terrorist threat in Australia to address this particular case at question time in Parliament this morning.
“In the fight against extremist barbarians and home-grown terrorism we may have to shift the delicate balance between security and freedom in our great country,” he said.
“For some this may mean eating more socially coherent meals, buying some razors and keeping their bleeding heart ideals to themselves,”
“There is no room in Team Australia for extremists or their sympathisers, and dropping these mongrels is on our whole team’s shoulders.”
“Touch, hold, engage!”