19 May, 2016 10:15
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
State Of Origin football. Not since the days of gladiatorial combat have we seen a competition so fierce, a rivalry so deeply engrained and a tribal supporter base so loyal.
Game 1 is less than a fortnight away and it’s clear that our home state is putting in the hard yards to put another series on the cup. They have even beaten NSW to mark with announcing the official side for the opening match.
Live on the Triple M Grill Team (Brisbane) this morning, Chairman of the QRL, Peter Betros announced this year’s selection, before announcing that former QLD player and Golden Glove boxer, Carl Webb had been recruited as assistant coach to Kevin Walters.
“It was pretty clear to Kev that these boys might be outmatched in mongrel, especially given that most of the Blues side is going to be a bunch of tatted up Westies from broken homes.
“We decided that we’ll bring Charlie (Webb) along to camp – that’ll change their tune a bit,”
Mr Betros could not confirm whether or not Carl Williams would be once again shaving a ‘Q’ into the side of his head, but could reveal that he is no longer on probation.
“Dane Gagai is gonna hit the ground running in the front row, with Darius Boyd to partner him in the tough stuff,” he said
“We definitely thought it was time to put Jaelen Feeney in the forwards somewhere. Alongside Kalyn Ponga. Jaelen and Kalyn. Now that’s a pairing I want to hear Rabs shouting,”
“and for the sake of intercepts we thought it was definitely time to blood Javid Bowen,”
While QRL selectors appear to be “spoilt for choice” each series, it would seem that Coach Kevin Walters has taken a leaf out of his mentor Wayne Bennett’s book and recruited a few faces that haven’t graced an NRL field in quite some time.
Wayne Bennett’s famous 2001 Origin series, which was the first time an England-based player was selected for State Of Origin in the shape of Alfie Langer has rubbed off on Walters. The debut Origin coach has decided to rest a few of the current Queensland greats on the bench at kick-off, to make room for a sugar-hit of experience and wisdom from the likes of Andrew Walker and Scott Minto.
“Yeah Cool-Mints and Walks were initially brought on as trainers, but they started getting involved in a few of the drills themselves, Walters thought it couldn’t hurt,”
“There was a little bit of a glisten in his own eyes as well, thought we nearly had a captain-coach there for a little while but Kev’s wife talked him out of it,”
“Matt Ballin, Rod Griffen and Jordan Rankin have shown that they’ve got heart. It takes a lot to show passion towards a Wests Tigers jersey,”
However, the 2016 selections are not without controversy, as Betros revealed that star player and NSW-born Queensland Origin icon Greg Inglis had not made the cut.
The 2016 Queensland State Of Origin (Game 1) is as follows:
In other rugby league news, Mitchell Pearce has been caught on video fucking the bulldogs mascot. When confronted by the Media he commented that it was “Fucking far better then that slut of a poodle”.
Further details emerge that the mascot is underage & was plied with an illegal drug.
Additional allegations have been made that Mitchell Pearce has been caught overnight attempting to break and enter a guide dogs training facility. It is believed he may be responsible for a number of similar nocturnal incidents that have occurred in the past at other canine training facilities involving drug detection & police dogs. The police dog case was extremely distressing for the staff who arrived at work the next day, one staff member commented “This is fucked who the hell wants to be fucked up the arse by a German Shepherd? Since this sick cunt got in the fucking dogs keep jumping on my back every time I bend over to pickup an empty food bowl.”
Breaking news, Mitchell Pearce has just been admitted to hospital with with an undisclosed internal injury received over night during a break and enter into an animal shelter. Several dogs were also severely traumatized and may require to be euthanized. An attending ambulance officer commented with strict confidentiality “This bloke is fucked in the head a fucken great dane busted his arse open, his fucken shit was stuck to the roof. The dirty cunt is just fucked in the head, worst rectal injury I’ve ever seen even beats the bloke last week that sucked his rectum out with a vacuum cleaner”.
Mitchell Pearce is out of state of origin contention, initial reports indicated he will be “Out Of Action” so to speak for at least 6 months.
Both dogs and animal welfare workers around the country are relieved after a 752% increase in the number of canine abuse incidents in the Sydney area since Australia Day.
Comments from shelter staff & local vets ranged from “Thank fuck I can have my weekends back the wife has been giving me hell for not spending enough time with the kids, no more sunday arvos running after poodles with bleeding arseholes.” to “Christ this is finally over I’ve had to put down 15 Chihuahuas last week alone with destroyed internal organs.”