9 November, 2016. 11:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
BEFORE HEADING OUT TO vote, Dennis Gobbmann cleaned his Glock 23 and spent an hour putting on his makeup.
The 24-year-old refrigeration technician was lucky to not cast his vote from the Jacksonville watchhouse today, after being arrested last night for throwing rocks at cars overnight.
Making it clear to his social media followers this morning, Gobbmann voted for Donald Trump – something that the entire Juggalo community is expected to do.
Echoing the pro-Trump sentiments of Mr Gobbmann, Mobile-native Crystal Karwashe is also a Republican Juggalo who spent today spruiking the benefits of a Trump presidency.
Speaking to The Advocate via Skype moments ago, the Gemini explained that her day won’t be overshadowed by Kane’s return to Monday Night Raw.
“Juggalos eat, sleep and fuck together. We also vote together,” she explained. ” We’re a family, man. We’re just regular people who want the best for our families and shit.”
“But yeah, man. Ya’ll know this was all once Bush country, but we turn our backs on Jeb. Jeb ain’t about the Juggalo life. Trump is a businessman that knows how to run a business.”
“I don’t care if he didn’t pay tax for years, that makes him smart. Maybe if he wins, America won’t have to pay tax either. We ain’t giving no more money to France and that bullshit.”
After promising to mail Ms Karwashe three pounds of oxycontin, she explained that if Trump doesn’t win, she’s considering a move to Australia – despite her long list of serious criminal convictions.
“Least I’m not Moslim, ya’ll welcome me with open arms. I’m more fertile than an alley cat.”