Test Cricket Umpire’s Eyes Found To Be Painted On

Test Cricket Umpire’s Eyes Found To Be Painted On

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

After a number of overturned decisions during the Adelaide Test this week, the CSIRO launched an investigation into why this has happened.

Introduced into Test matches almost a decade ago, The Umpire Decision Review System [DRS] gave teams the ability to challenge an official’s decision with impunity.

Given a total of two reviews, each team can only use them once per innings – except for when the challenge was found to be valid and true, resulting in an overturned decision.

However, thousands of cricket fans around Australia and England have been left scratching their heads recently as an uncharacteristically high number of decisions have been overturned during this match.

“We wanted to get to the bottom of it,” said one CSIRO scientist.

“So we did what we do best and we investigated the data and came to an informed and educated conclusion. The results shocked us and we feel that it’ll also rock the cricketing public at large to their core,”

“As it turns out, the umpires currently officiating the Test match in Adelaide have their eyes painted on. That means that they’re pretty much legally blind, which could explain why so many of their decisions have been overturned. When you think about it, it makes sense. Doesn’t it?”

The Advocate reached out to Cricket Australia for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

Representatives from the International Cricket Council [ICC] were also questioned over the CSIRO’s findings but our reporters only received an envelope full of a suspicious white powder.

We spilt it on the floor and it went everywhere, now our photographer’s asthma is playing up and he’s foaming at the mouth.

More to come.

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