Local Man Googles “Rugby Union News” After Reading Entire Daily Telegraph

"Japan beat South Africa, Argentina nearly beat New Zealand, Fiji nearly held off Australia... These are big upsets in international sport,"

Local Man Googles “Rugby Union News” After Reading Entire Daily Telegraph

[dropcap][/dropcap]24 September, 2015. 12:50

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact

Thomas Hadden, 27, says he is shocked and appalled that he has been forced to google the keywords “Rugby, Union, News” after reading the most circulated newspaper in Australia.

Despite the fact that the Wallabies have just played their first match of the olympiad international Rugby Union World Cup, Mr Hadden was forced to read up to 4500 words related to Rugby League and Australian rules football.

“There was more news about horse racing than the rugby world cup in today’s rag,” says the distressed stockbroker.

The first three pages of todays sport section, a dedicated to an alleged prescription drug syndicate within a series of alleged Rugby League franchises
The first three pages of today’s Newscorp sports section (including the backpage) are dedicated to an alleged prescription drug “culture” within “several” alleged Rugby League franchises

“There are twelve pages dedicated to Australian sport in that newspaper. I could find only one article related to our national Rugby Union team,”

“I understand they only played this morning, But I wasn’t expecting them to give me the results of a match 5 hours ago. I just wanted some news regarding the twenty-team international competition that only happens every four years,”

An entire two pages dedicated to the Sydney Roosters Rugby League team disguised as a RWC spread, by using the headline "Spring Box" instead of "Springboks" (South Africa's International Rugby Union team)
An entire two pages dedicated to the Sydney Roosters Rugby League team disguised as a RWC spread, by using the headline “Spring Box” instead of “Springboks” (South Africa’s International Rugby Union team)

“Japan beat South Africa, Argentina nearly beat New Zealand, Fiji nearly held off Australia… These are big upsets in international sport,”

“I don’t give a fuck about who the Brisbane Broncos are apparently thinking about signing in 2017,”

While both the rugby league and Australian football league are expecting to hold explosive grand finals in the next month, Newscorp publications across the country are once again under fire for simply pretending Rugby Union does not exist.

The Telegraph continues to report on rugby league off-field drama over Rugby Union. Even going as far as digging up mugshots of two players from an overseas trip 24 months ago
The Telegraph continues to report on rugby league off-field drama over Rugby Union. Even going as far as digging up mugshots of two players from an overseas trip 24 months ago

Newscorp sportswriter Fi Mongara has explained this bizarre circumstance to The Betoota Advocate.

“Mate the Telegraph, Courier Mail, Herald Sun… These papers are for ferals,”

Up north it’s NRL, down south it’s AFL. That’s all there is to it. No other news matters,”

“Unless some Muslim guy has gone wild with a gun somewhere, or Bill Shorten has been making a dick of himself… That’s all you can expect”

 

After nine pages of sport news, the Daily Telegraph reports on the 2015 RWC
After nine pages of sport news, the Daily Telegraph reports on the 2015 RWC

“Rugby Union is not on our radar, and it’s not on our readers radar. It’s a private school boy game for penny-pinching millionaires like our Prime Minister and the rest of his cabinet,”

“I’ll take an alleged rugby league rape over a Rugby World Cup win any day! That’s what the punters want!”

The Telegraph reports on soccer and horse racing.
The Telegraph reports on soccer and horse racing.

 

 

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