Office Internet Speeds Now Reminding Worker Of Using LimeWire As A Boy

Office Internet Speeds Now Reminding Worker Of Using LimeWire As A Boy

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A person who works in an office with a computer for money has had a nostalgic episode this afternoon as his workplace’s internet speed has slowed to a turtle’s pace.

Brett Hastings, who our reporter understands might work in insurance or tax down in the city’s Financial District, explained to The Advocate that he hasn’t visibly watched a megabyte download before his eyes for years.

It took him right back to using the family computer to download the 8 Mile Soundtrack as a 10-year-old.

“Back then, you’d be lucky to get 3.5kbps up in Betoota Heights,” said the now 25-year-old.

“I’d pick something to download, double-click it, then go do something else. Like watch a few episodes of The Simpsons or maybe have dinner. Then you’d come back a couple hours later and the download might be complete,”

“I remember it took me overnight on dial-up to download Lose Yourself. You’d fucking near have to do the same thing here right now. Why is this internet is fucked? I’ve been trying to download this WeTransfer since lunch and the cunt either times out of fails. I’m about ready to frizbee my fucking MacBook into traffic!”

The Advocate reached out to the building’s internet service provider but they only sent back a bullet enclosed in an envelope with a short note that said the next one would be coming a lot quicker.

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