Family Lunch Pauses To Hear Single, Childless Freak Try And Justify Lifestyle

Family Lunch Pauses To Hear Single, Childless Freak Try And Justify Lifestyle

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Peeling himself off his bedsheets this morning in his un-airconditioned sharehouse bedroom, a largely unpopular 28-year-old sighed as he remembers the family lunch pencilled in for today.

Stacey Porter, who says he vaguely recalls going out last night but can’t be certain where, did he best to wash the previous night’s filth off his rapidly softening corpse-like body before he sniffed a few dress shirts that he picked up off his bedroom floor to tell which one he’d be wearing to lunch.

During the awkwardly-long 34 minute drive up the hill from the French Quarter to his parent’s homely, leafy five bedder in Betoota Grove, the account executive rehearsed responses to the inevitable questions about his lifestyle.

“Mum! I’m happy with where my life is heading, just leave me alone,” he said to himself.

Too dismissive and mean-spirited, he thought. His father might interject if he overheard that, making things worse.

“I’m just trying to work my life out, Mum. Please don’t worry about me. I’m having the time of my young life,” he again said to himself.

Better.

He conceded that though his parents don’t know about his penchant for buying “drugs” from strangers in dark, sweaty nightclubs, he thought they at least deserved an answer as to why he does the things he does.

He spoke to our reporter briefly on the street before he went around the side of the house and joined the party.

“My younger brother is getting married, he’s two years younger than me. I told Mum and Dad that he’s a moron and it’ll be over before the Tokyo Olympics and they scolded me for it,”

“And then my two older sisters have kids now. One of them is allergic to peanuts, I think. What a time to be alive. And they ask me why I live like I do. Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes.”

Two hours later, Stacey rang the offices of The Advocate to share the news.

“It was OK, copped the usual questions. I told them I enjoyed the freedom of doing what I want when I want. Both of my brother in laws agreed with me, which was refreshing but that caused a whole other episode of drama. Except for my young brother, he said I had rocks in my head,”

“He’s a Christian and he’s getting married at 24. Pull the other one, mate.”

More to come.

 

 

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