Even these hardened country rugby heroes admit ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears is a fucking track

"It makes me feel like getting busy," he explained.

Even these hardened country rugby heroes admit ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears is a fucking track

26 October, 2016. 23:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

EVEN THOUGH HE JUST RECEIVED a life ban from every licensed establishment in Quilpie, bar Billy’s Nyngan-style Chinese Eatery, Matthew Lilac says he has no regrets.

His auburn-haired partner in crime, Myles Penile, doesn’t have any either.

Despite being amongst the most feared private school boarders in the greater Betoota region, the pair both agree that ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears is a fucking track – and they’re not ashamed to admit it.

The centre-pairing from the Betoota Rugby Union Football Club, known locally as the Betoota BMWs, are a force to be reckoned with on and off the field, as they cared to explain to The Advocate this morning.

“I once hit a bloke in the forehead so hard, it broke my hand,” explained Penile. “But I still played the rest of the season because I didn’t want to let the team down.”

Lilac was a bit more blunt, stating categorically that if one doesn’t like Toxic and doing ‘shoeys’ after a win should take a long cold bath.

“Anyone who thinks Toxic isn’t a track better keep away from me, otherwise you might get some stitches in your face!” shouted Lilac.

“Just fucking listen to the lyrics, cunt. It’s catchy as hell, too. It does things to me.”

 

6 Responses to "Even these hardened country rugby heroes admit ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears is a fucking track"

  1. Tedward   October 27, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    Wallaby selectors have a good look at this pair, just saying

    Reply
  2. Ribbons   October 31, 2016 at 5:09 pm

    I know people exactly like this, who do indeed find Toxic a fucking track. Any other love of Brit Spears from a fellow footy player will be met with intense ‘you’re a fucking fag’ coming from a guy who quite likely posts ads online like ‘I’m straight, not a fag, but looking to suck cock. All the better if you want to do it to Toxic.’

    Reply
  3. Pudenda Non Grata   November 5, 2016 at 10:07 pm

    Dearest Ribbons,

    “…….Any….love of Brit Spears from a fellow footy player will be met with intense ‘you’re a fucking fag’…….”

    Not here in the Canadas! The love of Ms. Britney Spears is totally butch! In Canada it’s If you don’t like unicorns you’re a fag.

    http://sterculianrhetoric.blogspot.ca/2016/11/nephew-not-fag.html

    Reply
  4. Robo   November 10, 2016 at 11:37 pm

    What the hell do you mean by ‘fucking track’?. Fucking what track?. Is this the sort of shit my taxes paid for helping educate clowns like you or are you targeting some weird-demographic dropkicks who can’t use normal language like poor over-60 bastards such as myself were taught to use?.

    Reply
  5. No Shrubs   November 17, 2016 at 7:48 am

    Robo you sick cunt

    Reply
  6. Robo   December 5, 2016 at 2:46 am

    Look Sunshine, it’s not rocket science. Fucking great track, fucking good, fucking cool, fucking bad. It’s called the King’s English or something. If a tree hits your house, it’s a fucking tree; a good time is a fucking good time. ‘Fucking’ is not much of a descriptive adjective. ‘Track’ has no negative or positive connotation so ‘fucking track’ means four fifths of fuck all. If a pair of galahs who couldn’t get a job on the Kickatinalong Cowfucker Monthly want to peddle this tripe they’ll confuse senior citizens and lose readers. Plant some shrubs and get an oxygen boost first thing in the morning.
    http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/fucking

    Reply

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