Dolphins U10s Coach Stood Down For Encouraging Head High Tackles And Scrotum Grabs

Dolphins U10s Coach Stood Down For Encouraging Head High Tackles And Scrotum Grabs

28 September, 2016. 11:15


After guiding the Mighty Dolphins under 10s to their eighth premiership in a row, club veteran and Betoota Mayor, Councillor Keith Carton has been criticised today for what many rival clubs describe as poor sportsmanship.

The BDRLFC board has today confirmed that Carton has been temporarily stood down and will be further disciplined by the Dolphins’ president, his younger brother Alf, at an internal club meeting on Friday.

The controversy arose after several parents overheard the Mayor’ halftime pep talk during last weekend’s grand final match against Cunnamulla.

“Boys it’s a tie at half time. You’ve got 20 minutes left of the season and I don’t want to see you lot going easy on these cornfed cunts!” he was allegedly heard shouting.

“I want you to get up and into ’em! If you see a hand on the ground, fuckin’ step on it.

“Ruck ’em, scrot ’em! Do whatever you’ve gotta fuckin’ do. Get round the neck!”

“Remember they can’t run without heads, boys!”

Keith Carton, a former roo-shooter and now full time Lord Mayor, currently holds the record for the most wins for an under 10s coach in the greater Western Queensland rugby league community.

However, the revelations surrounding his unorthodox style of game may spoil this great legacy, as competitor clubs talk about boycotting any match against the Dolphins until they can guarantee their ten-year-olds’ spines and scrotums will be safe.

Speaking to The Betoota Advocate from his office today, Councillor Carton says every cunt has gone soft and that it’s not wonder you aren’t allowed to send your kids to school with peanut butter anymore.

“I started coaching the under 10s in the 1980s when my son was playing for ’em!” he shouted.

“We play a different brand of football to what you pussies play and I’ve got more trophies for these little pricks than anyone else!”

“Go ahead, ban me from Western Queensland Rugby League, I dare ya,”

“Because I guarantee it’ll only be the game that suffers. How do you expect the Maroons to continue this legacy of dominance when the next generation is a bunch of anaphylactic pussies running around in cotton wool”.

It is believed that Keith and Alf Carton are going to meet this evening at the Lord Betoota Hotel to ‘talk it out’ – More to come.

One Response to "Dolphins U10s Coach Stood Down For Encouraging Head High Tackles And Scrotum Grabs"

  1. Pudenda Non Grata   October 7, 2016 at 11:54 am

    Scrotum Grabs?
    Every school boy(1) knows that the testicles of the average Aussie male do not descend until they are at least a minimum of 15 Christian years old(2)!
    “Scroting” a U10 would be as productive as engaging likewise with a trained Sumo dude.

    (1) Well, those from the better schools at least.

    (2) Some never “pack their bags” – so-to-speak. These poor unfortunates become Aussie Rules Football Referees.

    Is His Worship, The Mayor, any relation of Sydney Carton?


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