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The Lord Kidman Hotel, located in the inner-Betoota suburb of Roma Hills, has been fined for not taking into account the fact that the neighbouring residents expect to be able to go to sleep whenever they want.
Despite standing in the same spot for 150 years and being owned and run by the same family for six decades, the venue has been put on notice by local council, who today informed them that the concerns of urban homeowners are much more important than the business model of the century-old public house.
Pub owner, Bruce Bruce (72) says that he didn’t realise that it was his duty to cater for the lifestyle of young urban professionals who decided to buy terrace houses next to his pub because it was cheap.
“I’m honestly so sorry” he said.
“I didn’t realise that our resident Friday night band, who has been playing here since the Whitlam dismissal, was causing so much grief to our new neighbours – who haven’t yet introduced themselves to me after five years”
Local council inspector, John Wowser, says the initial fine for noise ($3000) is more of a warning call.
“A lot of these old beer sellers don’t realise that times have changed. They don’t realise the only thing local council and the state government care about is insuring that property prices go up”
“Right now it’s just a few fines and increasingly hostile relationship”
“Eventually we’ll do what Sydney has done – and convince old people that all people who go to pubs are also homicidal maniacs who enjoy killing promising white private schoolers”
“Then we’ll bring in some lock-out laws to shut them down completely”
However, publican Bruce says shutting them down might be a bad idea for the neighbours.
“Where else are these 30-year-old men going to be able to find a takeaway bottle of rosè at eleven in the morning?”
“Or an ATM to draw out $300 at midnight when his missus takes the kids to her mothers for a weekend”