Young Man Remarkably Less Alert Two Days After Stereosonic

Young Man Remarkably Less Alert Two Days After Stereosonic

30 November, 2015 10:10


21-year-old Gosford-based electrician, Luke Fordham, says he is very glad that he took today off.

“Oh boy, am I tuckered out!” says the young man, between episodes of South Park, as he lies in a prone position on a couch in parent’s garage.

Luke says his current state of emotionally sensitive slovenliness is a direct result of “overdoing it” at the STEREOSONIC dance music festival in Sydney over the weekend.

“It was such a big couple of days. Me and my mates jumped on a train on friday night and didn’t stop until yesterday morning,”

“The train back was pretty grim… But there’s only a handful of electronic dance music festivals each year,”

“There’s only going to be about thirteen more this summer and I’ve only got tickets to about eight of them. Stereosonic was the first… So naturally it was a big one,”

As reported by ABC Radio National this morning, over 90 percent of all surveyed New South Wales-based construction companies have confirmed that they have had to work around a mass shortage of apprentice employees and unskilled labourers today.

Of that 90%, each respondent has admitted that they have had up to three 20-something, low-wage employees calling in sick, or taking today as an RDO (rostered day 0ff).

Mr Fordham says that lying still for the next 24-hours watching Netflix is probably the best option, considering his energy levels are at an all-time low.

He also claims to have cried hysterically for twenty minutes after accidentally watching the first few scenes of the award-winning animal rights documentary “Blackfish”.

“Those poor dolphins man. I am so emotional today… Kind of. Sometimes I don’t feel shit,”

“I suppose that’s what happens when you spend two entire days eating nothing but rat-bait infused ecstasy tablets,”

“I don’t think I drank any water either. It was just pingers, Smirnoff ICE Double Blacks and Winfields,”

“I am absolutely cooked, mate.”



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