ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
TENSIONS IN THE REGIONAL VICTORIAN brothel town of Bendigo reached fever-pitch this afternoon as thousands of protestors clashed with police anti-fascist groups over a new controversial seasoning – which is said to make anything it flavours Halal.
Representatives from the United Patriot Front [UPF] have demanded that US food giant Masterfoods pull the flavouring from shelves around the nation, or suffer the consequences.
In response, a prominent anti-fascist group released a statement that details the rights of all Australians to enjoy the unique flavour Halal cuisine has, or not.
What concerns Nathan Delaney the most about this new product is that it can turn even the most Australian, missionary position dish, into a Halal meal that supports terrorism.
The outspoken 28-year-old first-year apprentice panel beater lashed out at Masterfoods, calling them unAustralian and free marker capitalists.
“You could sprinkle that shit on a sausage sandwich from Bunnings and make it Halal, mate. It’s fucking not on cunt,” he explained. “Halal supports terrorism because did you know that Saudi Arabia is the biggest fucking funder of Islamic terrorism? Fucking think about it, cunt.”
Despite being informed numerous times that the term Halal refers to the cultural method in which a beast is slaughtered, Mr Delaney wouldn’t have a bar of it.
Drawing parallels to the fact that lamb roast and lamb korma taste differently, but come from the same animal, he came to his own conclusion that he was correct.
The Advocate requested comment from Masterfoods Australia, who released a short statement outlining that they have “no plans to release such a product and any misunderstanding is unfortunate.”
More to come.