12 May, 2015. 11:55
IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | firstname.lastname@example.org
On Saturday night, the on-again, off-again Western Australian rugby cult-hero once again delivered yet another memorable “Aussie one-liner” in a post-match interview, after the Western Force’s victory over the NSW Waratahs.
Nick Cummins, a product of the Logan City badlands in South-East QLD, came to light several years ago with not only his “honey-badger-like” defence but also with his iconic proverbs.
His latest is a zinger, albeit slightly offensive to those who suffer from dwarfism, which surfaced as he attempted to explain the Western Force’s method to towelling up the NSW Waratahs, the third straight victory afters Saturday’s 18-11 success.
“Basically, you’ve got to be like a midget in a urinal – you’ve got to be on your toes.”
He went on to say that if you’re not careful, ‘they’ll bloody take your scone [head] off,”
However as unprepared as The Badger might appear, he has since spoken with The Advocate about the “gruelling” process he has to endure each week, leading up to an interview.
“Mate, leading up to a match… I’m bloody flat out like a lizard drinking. There’s training with the boys, not to mention the hours in the library looking this stuff up. I’m working harder than a drover’s dog!”
Cummins has stated that he is trapped in a horrible cycle of on-field performances and off-field performances.
“Put it this way, if I really put in and score a few meaties. They are gonna want an interview with me. So not only do I have to be physically capable of burning down the sting… I’ve also gotta be prepared to crack a few BRC’s (bloody ripper calls) after the match,
“I’m in the library researching Idriess, Paterson, Lawson, Mick Molloy, Chopper Read. All the famous Australian writers – It’s a bit of a hobby, but it’s become an uncontrollable beast,”
“Imagine if I had to crack the same one twice. That’d be poor form. So I’m flat out in the library finding new material. I’m often pulling all-nighters… It’s just my cross to bare”
While Cummins’ sense of humour is very welcome in the increasingly boring world of Australian Rugby Union, we have one question: Where does it come from?
“My old man, growing up he was dryer than a dead dingos donger”
It is unknown yet if the Badger’s eccentric running style will be present for the Wallabies at this years 2015 Rugby World Cup.
While his place on the Wallabies’ wing can be filled. His contribution to our nation’s vernacular, however, is irreplaceable.
“busier than a one armed bricklayer in Baghdad,”
“sweating like a gypsy with a mortgage,”
“off like a brides nightie,”
“feel like I’ve been whacked in the Niagara Falls,”