Tarocash Sells Out Of Lime Green Ties, White Leather Shoes In Pre-Melbourne Cup Frenzy

Tarocash Sells Out Of Lime Green Ties, White Leather Shoes In Pre-Melbourne Cup Frenzy

31 October, 2016 13:15

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Every single TAROCASH outlet in Southern Victoria has today sold out of white leather shoes, lime green ties and several styles of grey-coloured shirts with black buttons, a spokesman from the retailer confirmed hours ago.

It is understood that the affordable menswear giant has put in an emergency order for up to eight different products, as the annual pre-Melbourne Cup frenzy has seen their stores swamped by people who plan on spending tomorrow in the general admission section of Flemington racecourse.

With thousands of Australians preparing to dress like one-punch-assault defendants tomorrow, the nation’s tried and true suburban retailer of glitzy racing attire has had to admit that they weren’t prepared.

“It’s very embarrassing,’ says designer and part time check-out attendant Ashley Kettle.

“We understand the role we play in Australian culture, and we should have been ready to accommodate for today’s rush.”

This news comes a month after Tarocash debuted their new luxury ‘General Admission At Rosehill’ Collection.

Described as a ‘wearable lifestyle for a versatile gentleman who enjoys alcopops’ – The collection hit national shelves on November 1.

With Melbourne Cup pre-drinks only 16 hours away, hundreds of punters have taken to Tarocash’s famous Hire-A-Look pop-up stores at an array suburban courthouses, where any offender can simply hire a suit for their appearance, before discreetly changing back into their Puma tracksuit as they leave.

“This is not good,” says one disgruntled punter, by the name of Kane.

“I just wanted to get an all-black suit to match my white Oakleys,”

“The last thing I wanna wear is M.J fuckin’ Bale. Sure, I’ve got the cash, but it’s just not as comfy.

“I need something that washes out well. I’m not even getting on the train without at least eight passionfruit UDL’s under my belt.”

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6 Responses to "Tarocash Sells Out Of Lime Green Ties, White Leather Shoes In Pre-Melbourne Cup Frenzy"

  1. Ribbons   October 31, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    With thousands of Australians preparing to dress like one-punch-assault defendants tomorrow

    This news comes a month after Tarocash debuted their new luxury ‘General Admission At Rosehill’ Collection.

    Described as a ‘wearable lifestyle for a versatile gentleman who enjoys alcopops’ – The collection hit national shelves on November 1.

    —-

    Lines like these truly make Betoota’s news a cut above the pretenders to the throne of Australian outback newspapers.

    Reply
    • Luella   November 15, 2016 at 3:56 pm

      I love these arscliet. How many words can a wordsmith smith?

      Reply
  2. The defendant   October 31, 2016 at 10:22 pm

    What he said…pure genius, spot on the money.

    Reply
  3. Pingback: The totally off-topic thread - Page 5713

  4. Jimmy   November 1, 2016 at 10:58 am

    this is racist against punters

    Reply

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