22 June, 2016 13:40
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Unbeknownst to his bosses, local man John Birley (37) has spent the entire work day watching Youtube highlights of men he has never met fighting each other.
Speaking to The Betoota Advocate from behind his desk, Mr Birley says he has been very busy hiding his pre-State Of Origin bloodlust from coworkers.
As a mid-level furniture salesman, John says no one else in the office could imagine the carnage that has been streamed across his laptop through out the day.
“It’s just beautiful,” he says.
“Watching these videos from before they banned the closed fist… What a fuckin’ era,”
Even though he is confident that his beloved Maroons will take home the series this year, John says their biggest hurdle will be maintaining aggression without giving a few clips to the opponent’s ears.
“Gallen fuckin’ ruined the biff with his cheap coward punch on Miles in 2013. He’s a fuckin’ dog mate” says John, briefly breaking away from his usually well-mannered demeanour.
“I usually start the day off with the Game 3, 1997. That cattledog call was the best thing to come out New South Wales. Raudonikis was a Queenslander in another life,”
“From there I fastforward to Pricey versus Brett White in Game 3, 2009,”
“Watching my Queenslanders get touched up really gets my blood pumping. Fuck those blues cunts,” – at this point, Mr Birley is starting to sound a lot more like a teen Dad on the sidelines of a Goodna QRL match, as opposed to a high-end teak sales rep.
“Pricey got the raw prawn in that one, but the Blues aren’t well known for fair fights,”
With Mr Birley now in a cold sweat, his personality change from a white collar father of three to a degenerate Maroons fan is very evident.
“From there I got to the 1995 all-in. I remember that scrap like it was yesterday. The moment I heard Billy Moore scream Queenslander I could feel the blood rush to my cock,”
“And what a fuckin’ hiding we gave them. Hoppa was just about the only bloke in Blue who could dip and even Sing gave him a run for his money,”
“When the King gave it to that cocky little Westie MG,”
With kick-off in only five hours, John has completely cleared his schedule and is now covertly drinking Bundaberg Rum at his desk out of a coca-cola can.
“This is rugby league at its very greatest. I’ve told my wife to take the kids to her sister’s house tonight. I don’t want them to see me like this.