Local Man’s War Against Capitalism On Hold Until He Reports His Earnings To Centrelink

"I'm really feeling the bern, but even Sanders might be a bit too much of a puppet for me"

Local Man’s War Against Capitalism On Hold Until He Reports His Earnings To Centrelink

27 April, 2016 09:35

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

33-year-old Marrickville man, Ryan Minto, has put his dreams of smashing the bourgeoisie on hold, until he can prove he is actively seeking employment.

In order to receive this week’s Newstart Allowance of $255.25, the heavily opinionated underachiever must prove that he has applied for ten or more unskilled labouring positions and notifies Centrelink that he has not made any money in the last fortnight.

“I want capitalist heads on stakes. But, I’m not going to fuck around with the online reporting, it’s too complicated,”

Between living on the couch in his estranged mother’s garage, and the couch in his childhood friend’s media room – Ryan says he reads a lot of non-Murdoch news.

“I’m really feeling the bern, but even Sanders might be a bit too much of a puppet for me”

“There’s so much they aren’t telling us,”

When he’s not spruiking his own public policies online, Ryan plays the ‘protest rock’ band ‘Howard You Do It”.

“I’m sick of these developers and capitalist pigs. I just need a couple bucks to get me through ’til next week and then I’m moving to a farm up north,”

Close friends of Ryan say he quite often refers to, what they believe might be a made-up, agricultural commune in Central Queensland. His bandmate Jeremy says nothing ever comes of it.

“He’s alway got a plan but every time he gets his cheque he buys a case of Coopers Red and a pouch of Champion Ruby. That’s about as far as he gets”

“He really wants to save the world, but some ideals are best saved for online forums,”

3 Responses to "Local Man’s War Against Capitalism On Hold Until He Reports His Earnings To Centrelink"

  1. Arkan   April 27, 2016 at 10:15 am

    Bloody punks, they say they want to stick it to the man but all they do is drink beer and smell bad XD

    Reply
  2. Selkie22.7   April 27, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    I do not have a smart phone because I am not that smart; so apps are not part of what I do. I have enough trouble keeping up with my dog and the pigeon. But sooner or later someone should come out with an app for customers of Centrelink.

    A good current computer, with a not too difficult algorithm, could scan all advertised jobs with their required qualifications. This creates the app for your smart phone. Then the punter puts in their details and qualifications. Bingo, out will come a tailor made list and, with a stock letter, ten applications could be emailed to the advertisers.

    I mean, for 255 buckeroos a week, a person could not be expected to go to too much trouble.

    Reply
  3. geoffro   April 27, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    Fuck yeah.

    Reply

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