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Local roofer and devout God botherer, Mike Moses, believes he and many others are being punished by the big man upstairs, for the wicked undercuts they had back in the 90’s.
Moses, 35, who found God – and became pretty annoying- after being treated for a heavy cannabis addiction in 2003, believes the Lord has flipped the script on him, leaving hair only on the parts of his head that had once hit hard with a zero blade.
“It’s punishment”, said Mike.
“of all the truancy, trespassing and enormous amounts of the devils herb i smoked and sold, the worst thing I ever did was get that ridiculous haircut”.
“Pair that with the piece of shit Falcon I was driving at the time, you’ve basically got a very obnoxious looking young man. I can see why God has taken the time to burden me with these cul-de-sacs on my forehead.
Moses believes that it’s not just him either, and that all males in their mid thirties suffering from baldness only have themselves to blame.
“it was the dumbest trend in the last 30 years and now we have to cop the consequences on the chin”. he said “Give up on the Propecia guys. Ashley and Martin ain’t gonna beat the wrath of God”.