Local Man Doing Really Good Job Of Hiding Crippling Hangover Today

"As long as I don't need to talk to anybody"

Local Man Doing Really Good Job Of Hiding Crippling Hangover Today

 

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Local man, Fraser Cassidy, is just about to begin the second meeting of his busy day today. Later tonight, he has to endure a dinner date with his new kind-of girlfriend, Georgia.

Despite booking a last-minute dinner reservation at a high-end restaurant, Mr Cassidy is still in the depths of one of the worst hangovers he has had this year.

“I’m ordering the pasta. Hopefully that’ll soak up whatever’s left. Plus, I think chewed up pasta will be easier to vomit back up at some point,” says Fraser.

“No one knows what I was up to last night… No idea at all. I told them I was home by 10,”

“I was on my mate’s balcony drinking rum and milk out of a coffee mug not even 5 hours ago,”

“I think those chicks were strippers. Fuck the Melbourne Cup is unnecessary,”

Fraser believes that the restaurant he has chosen for tonight’s dinner was probably the only thing he has done right in the lead up to date.

However, he’s confident that he was coherent and charmingly on point in today’s meetings.

“My skin is pretty much grey at the moment. I need to sleep so bad,”

“This phone conference I had this morning had like 12 people in it and it was killing me. Then I missed my cue to speak and they had to check if I was still there. So fucked,”

“…every ten or so minutes I get a shiver down my spine when I remember what was happening in Tim’s garage at 4 o’clock this morning… It was very different to what I’m going to pretend to enjoy at this restaurant tonight,”

“But the best thing about girls is that price always outplays quality… She’s not noticing how fucked I still am because of the chandeliers and the wine list,”

With the day not even half over, Mr Cassidy says he’s looking forward to having a nice dinner and some wine, which he hopes will taste a lot better than the fruity lexia cask wine his mates had hung from the hills-hoist last night.

“Mate, the goon of fortune wasn’t that long ago… I can still feel in pulsating through my pores. Man I should have taken today off”

“I can’t even remember what I’ve even told you. God.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.