Indigenous All Stars Team To Be Renamed ‘Undefinable Race Of Generally Better Footballers’

"What defines an Aboriginal?" Senator Hanson told host Andrew Bolt.

Indigenous All Stars Team To Be Renamed ‘Undefinable Race Of Generally Better Footballers’


The Indigenous All Stars, Australia’s highest performing representative rugby league side is to be renamed, after One Nation Senator Pauline Hanson said there was no definition of Aboriginal in an interview on the Bolt Report.

“What defines an Aboriginal?” Senator Hanson told host Andrew Bolt.

“…if the community or the elders accept you into that community, you can be defined as an Aboriginal”

These comments have resonated around the country, with thousands of people in both the private and public sector take a break from attempting to help close a gap, because the gap is undefinable.

Local bulk-billing GP, Dr Elliot Shahade says that he can’t believe that such a large number of cases of diabetes and third-world eye infections just happen to be occurring in communities where people claim to be Aboriginal.

“It’s a weird coincidence. I wonder if it would happen to me if I pretend to be Aboriginal, would my life expectancy just drop 30 year?”

“The same goes for the record-breaking rates incarceration and child illiteracy just happen to be applied to people who, for whatever reason, decided to be Aboriginal.”

“When you look at those numbers, you’ve got to question, who the fuck would want to be Aboriginal if they had no reason to be”

However, with Pauline Hanson’s comments come bigger changes. Notably, that of the Australian Rugby League’s famous Indigenous All Stars.

The Indigenous Australian rugby league team is a rugby league football team that represents Aboriginal Australians and Torres Strait Islanders. The team was first formed in 1973 and currently plays in an annual All Stars Match against a NRL All Stars team.

However, the team is set for a name change, with the One Nation leader suggesting they go for a name that better defines the team.

NRL CEO Todd Greenberg, has today announced that the team will now be known as the “Undefined Race Of Generally Better Footballers” – but says that the also toyed with ‘Undefined Race Of Generally Darker All Stars”

“We’ve been told there is no need to be acknowledging the contribution that Aboriginal players have made to our game. Because there’s no definition to an Aboriginal”

“We’ll just pretend it’s a bunch of Laurie Daleys out there. Back before we knew he was Aboriginal but thought he might have been”

However, speaking to the Betoota Advocate today, Jonathon Thurston says he feels like he’s got plenty of definition.

“I mean… [takes off shirt]”

“Look at these abs bra”


3 Responses to "Indigenous All Stars Team To Be Renamed ‘Undefinable Race Of Generally Better Footballers’"

  1. Ron Muppet   November 30, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    Dear Sirs,

    As a Western Australian and someone who has ranged far and wide over this beautiful state of ours – for too many decades to count – shooting at any natives who were irrationally annoyed with us stealing their land and then wandering around on it, I find myself deeply disturbed. More so than usual.

    It is a rude and unpleasant shock to discover that I and my pioneering compatriots may have been putting musket balls into white people without being aware of it. They certainly seemed black at the time, but there were a damned awful lot of spears flying around and admittedly one does tend to get a bit excitable and inattentive to detail when you’re in full swing and the barrels are white hot.

    I have previously given an accurate and deeply personal historical account for your readers of a failed and foolish former Governor’s infantile carry-on with those who we thought at the time were natives;

    and it troubles me to now think that they may have actually been Sudanese backpackers, and that I may be required under international law to report a war crime.

    My mind also wanders back years to the time we were cutting the track through to Kookynie and Henry Cerutty was given a flogging and run out of camp by the foreman because he’d been caught fiddling with a native woman when he should have been watering the horses, and I now find myself crippled with doubt as to whether she was some sort of Scandinavian hybrid on a tourist visa and old Henry was given the bum’s rush as the result of a dreadful error brought on by the scourge of sandy blight and the somewhat overcast conditions at the time.

    Make no mistake, this is a jolly serious business this Hanson woman is bringing up here. If we’ve been spending our time thieving from, handing out whippings, and giving syphilis to white people all this while, then that makes us little better than the French or the Dutch, although thankfully still a marginal improvement on the Portuguese. This matter needs to be sorted out in double-quick time for the sake of national wellbeing. And to supply certainty to musket and shot vendors.


    Ron Muppet

  2. Kim   December 1, 2016 at 7:56 pm

    Is that a leopard rampant on her shoulder, or did someone have an upset stomach.

  3. Geck   December 5, 2016 at 10:58 pm

    I dunno whoose werse;Ron or youse blokes


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