22 July, 2015. 16:06
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
FAMILY MEMBERS OF Bill Shorten have plenty of reasons to rejoice this afternoon, after the search for the missing opposition leader ended in the best possible way.
Shorten was reportedly lost in the political wilderness for nearly seven months, but has returned to lacklustre form today by releasing a policy that is the ying to the Coalition’s yang.
The 48-year-old set out on what was supposed to be a nice, scenic walk around Lake Burley Griffin.
What began as a leisurely hike quickly escalated when the former trade unionist failed to return to his comcar at the end of the day.
ACT Search and Rescue launched a search, which involved more than 300 people and 19 teams from across state and territory agencies, including members of The Greens and the Royal Australian Army.
But after finding no signs of the big Catholic a week after he went missing, officials called off the search.
Family and friends prepared to say their final goodbyes by heading out to the lake, the spot where Mr Shorten went missing.
This morning, in what some are calling a miraculous turn of events, Shorten emerged from scrubland near the lake, following the sound of search helicopters.
“We were literally saying our goodbyes and preparing ourselves for what came next … when we heard over the radio that he’s just walked into parliament and he’s are OK,” said Shorten’s wife Chloe in a ABC report.
“I cannot begin to describe the emotions that happened in those two minutes.”
Shorten sought help at Government House where he’d been last seen walking the Lake’s foreshore near Yarralumla, before he was taken to hospital to be treated for dehydration, a few scrapes and political cowardice.
Without any proper experience or confidence, Shorten became lost in Weston Park. He managed to build himself a lean-to shelter, where he hunkered down for several days. He stayed close to an exhaust vent, which provided much needed heat amid the intense cold of recent days.
“It’s absolutely amazing,” said likely backstabber Tanya Plibersek.
“After seven months lost in the wilderness—he comes out with his first real policy announcement,”
“I just had my knives sent over to Julia to get sharpened.”
Though he remained in the same general area through the week, rescuers say the dense forested landscape would have made it nearly impossible to spot the politician from the air.
Unprepared for the time spent in the wild, Shorten admitted that he lost about 15 kilos of credibility through the ordeal, returning with nothing but a Tic Tac in his pocket.
Officials are warning anyone embarking on a career in socialism in the Canberra area to take necessary precautions and survival gear.