7 July, 2016. 17:30
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
While Liberal MP Wyatt Roy appears to have lost out to his ALP opponent, Susan Lamb for the Longman electorate north of Brisbane, the 26-year-old is still holding out while more results from the weekend’s election are being voted.
In the meanwhile, the born and bred Caboolture boy has returned to his previous post, drinking longnecks [tallies] of XXXX Bitter out front of the local train station.
“Yeah, it probably does feel a bit weird back here on the spot after half a decade in Parliament,” he told reporters this afternoon.
“But this is where I feel most at home, and if by some chance the postal votes don’t end up in my favour, this is where I’ll stay,”
Our interview was briefly interrupted by Mr Roy’s close mate, ‘Slinger’ who arrived shirtless to ‘the spot’ after making a bottle-o run.
“Do you know these cunts, WyRoy?” he asked the Liberal MP, before focusing his attention to our editor Errol Parker.
“You wanna dip, bra?”
“What’s your fuckin’ go?”
The subsequent scuffle between ‘Slinger’ and our journalists was broken up by the Member For Longman, who managed to separate the melee while insisting “They’re with me, bra” in a thick Caboolture accent.
“Fucking fall back Slinger ya dopey cunt,” he continued, opting to disregard his previous Queen’s English.
“Last thing you need is another stint, fuck ya,”
On Sunday it was revealed by The Betoota Advocate that Wyatt Roy had locked himself in his bedroom to contemplate life while listening to Coldplay. Faced with having to re-enter society as a normal working human, the career politician was at a loss at what he was going to do with himself.
However, it now seems that after less than a week home in the ‘Boo, Wyatt Roy has well and truly slotted back into the life he lived before he was surprisingly voted into the House Of Representatives.
“How many cunts make it out Caboolture and can still come back and still move shard when they feel like it?” says Slinger before smoking a roll-your-own cigarette with three fingers held close to his face.
“Fuck all do. Let alone former Members of Cabinet.”
Wyatt Roy laughs.
“From the Cab’ straight back to the lab” he says.
Both men laugh and Slinger tells Wyatt he’s a mad cunt, before handing each of us a tallie.