4 July, 2016. 17:35
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Senator Nick Xenophon has today been filmed smashing up several pokie machines in a South Australian hotel, after learning his newly formed political party may hold up to three seats in the House of Representatives.
Despite the fact that he has been in the Australian Senate for nine years and won a record vote of 24.9 per cent in South Australia at the 2013 Federal Election, it is believed that Senator Nick Xenophon has now secured enough support Australia-wide to begin his “final solution” for Australia’s electronic poker machine scourge.
The Independent Senator in South Australia and the leader of the Nick Xenophon Team has for a long time claimed that he just wants to tackle Australia’s issues, and after building on a succesfully career in politics off the back of a strong anti-gambling platform – it appears the ‘Hilltop Hood’ has pulled the trigger on his ultimate dream of blatantly smashing pokie machines in plain sight.
“This is what it was all about,” Mr Xenophon told media while loitering out front of another RSL before it opened at 07:30 am this morning.
“I’ve waited three decades for this. A hung parliament means I can do what I want, I will be supporting whichever major party comes out in support of my new plan to destroy every poker machine I came across,”
“My party is also expected to win two to three seats in the South Australian Senate. I’m not saying that I am God… but I am saying that I would make a very powerful enemy.
“The moment this RSL opens up I’m going to be bussin’ some glass inside,” he said before breaking in a stirring acapella rendition of The Whitlam’s 1999 classic ‘Blow Up The Pokies’.
While police and political opponents debate whether or not Mr Xenophon’s new ‘smash-a-slot’ program is legal – many of his supporters around the country have followed suit.
“I’ve been wantin’ to do this for twenty fuckin’ years” said local Morningside (QLD) resident, Bryan Coffey.
“These fuckin’ things have taken everything from me. I’m glad there is finally a politician who supports smashing the fuck outta ’em”