22 August, 2016 14:00
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
NSW Premier Mike Baird has today ruled that special NSW state government rangers will be issuing fines to any street artists seen to be performing ‘offensive’ or ‘unsavoury’ music in inner-city Sydney.
While giving the opening speech at the Australian Christian Lobby’s quarterly AGM, the Premier spoke proudly of the transformation Sydney has seen in the 18 months since his predecessor stood down from the role.
“We have seen a lot less of the riff raff that us Christians always worried about,” he said.
“Since implementing the lock-outs laws their has been a 45% decrease in young unmarried women staying out past midnight, and a 80% decrease in homosexuals holding hands in public,”
“But we still do have the issue of unkept young musicians performing music on the street side.”
In his first public appearance at a lobby group function since his tear-jerking sermon at the NSW Women’s Temperance League conference earlier this year, Mike Baird assured all of his evangelical supporters that Sydney city would continue to be much less accessible to arts students and other people who choose to live in sin.
“In my close relationship with Father Brian Houston from the Hillsong Church and NSW Police Commissioner Andrew Scipione – also a devout follower of the Hillsong faith – we have proposed a new set of laws that will make Sydney much more appealing to the true family values of contemporary Australia,”
“From next month, any so-called musician who decides to perform music in our streets will be audited by state rangers. This will help improve not only the quality of street music, but also the content,”
“Gone are the days where Sydney musicians sing about the boys lighting up – we want strictly Christian rock of either the pentecostal variation or anything from the tax-free Hillsong record labels,”
Mr Baird says he knows he will be met with opposition by pagans, but as he has stated before, he does not care about getting re-elected in 2019, and all he has to worry about is whether or not God is happy with him.
“Obviously we have to allow the blacks to keep playing their didgeridoos, but by next year we will have pretty much stamped out all of the inner-city housing commissions from Millers Point through to Waterloo,”
“If any Aboriginal people want to perform in this city they are going to have to catch a loooong train ride [laughter]”
“As for the music industry. I think the record sales speak for themselves, Hillsong musicians sell far more records than any other mucisians, and that money goes to a good cause,”
“In the circumstance that I am met with another fifteen thousand person march against my policies, I will simply call for a review into the laws and not comment on them for eighteen months until everyone forgets about it,”
“All the best, Foley [laughter]”
This announcement comes not even two months after Mike Baird banned both Greyhound Racing, recreational ball pits and oral sex for any Sydney residents under the age of 55.