“If You Can’t Fight On Rum, You Can’t Fight” Says Deputy Prime Minister

Studies indicate that the rate of rum-related violence might be even higher than Barnaby Joyce predicted - due to a large amount of Australian men who are unable to fight but still try to anyway.

“If You Can’t Fight On Rum, You Can’t Fight” Says Deputy Prime Minister

 

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Only a few months after taking part in an alleged “pub brawl” in the Lyceum hotel in Longreach, Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has declared that anyone who drinks dark rum and doesn’t fight, can’t fight.

On the tenth of May, Mr Joyce refuted claims that he had been “run out of town” – despite the fact he was sporting an obvious black eye after “vast amounts” of “sugar cane champagne” in the Western Queensland agricultural hub.

The incident has made its way into headlines once again today after Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull today hinted at a double dissolution as early as April.

When asked if he thought it was appropriate to have a rum-swilling outback pub brawler as our deputy Prime Minister, Barnaby Joyce claimed it could have been anyone in his position.

“The bottom line is, it’d be more of a concern about if I didn’t get into a blue with those ferals in Longreach

Barnaby Joyce speaks to media at the Roma Maccas, after a long night in Longreach.
Barnaby Joyce speaks to media at the Roma Maccas, after a long night in Longreach.

“That’s how you’ve got to carry yourself in those parts. And if you can’t fight on rum, you can’t fight – and If you can’t fight in Longreach, then you’ve got no hope as a National politician.”

The Member for New England’s claim – that it is natural to experience a pulsating aggression through your fists after drinking dark rum – has been met with criticisms from trendy inner-city ‘Sailor Jerry’ enthusiasts.

Newtown resident, Banjo Clementé says he very much considers himself a dark rum drinker – and that he has never been in a fistfight – despite the fact that he is a black-belt in Brazillan Capoeira.

“I would have had upwards of seven glasses of sailor jerry and dry at a Cat Empire concert over the weekend. Not once did I even think of using my martial arts skills on someone’s face,”

Long-time Marijuana-user and dark rum drinker, Banjo Clementé claims he has only ever fantasised about smashing the Bourgeoisie - not the faces of fellow hotel patrons
Long-time Marijuana-user and dark rum drinker, Banjo Clementé claims he has only ever fantasised about smashing the Bourgeoisie – not the faces of fellow hotel patrons

“The Deputy Prime Minister is the definition of an outdated regional mindset running our country. Let’s stop talking about the drought… It doesn’t affect me. Let’s talk about the WestConnex!”

Mr Joyce’s comments about the affects of rum on the Australian male have been run by ABC Fact Checker. Here are the results.

The claim

“If you can’t fight on rum, you can’t fight,” Deputy Leader of the Nationals Barnaby Joyce told ABC News.

Does rum really only have an aggressive effect on people who can handle themselves in a blue, as Mr Joyce says?

The verdict

Mr Joyce’s claim checks out. In accordance with the context of his claim, ABC Fact Checker found that he was most definitely referring to drinking rum derived of North Queensland sugar-cane, and that it was either mixed with coca-cola or milk.

It was also noted that, when considering the location of this specific incidence, Barnaby Joyce was in no way referring to Sailor Jerry or any other form of “spice rum”.

A recent study by the CSIRO finds that roughly 92.9% of Australian men claim to have been involved in a physical altercation after spending the evening drinking coca-cola with sugarcane champagne.

This number was not inclusive of the types of men involved in said bar fights. Fact Check was unable to find one dataset that definitively measures someone’s ability to fight.

Studies indicate that the rate of rum-related violence might be even higher than Barnaby Joyce predicted – due to a large amount of Australian men who are unable to fight but still try to anyway.

 

2 Responses to "“If You Can’t Fight On Rum, You Can’t Fight” Says Deputy Prime Minister"

  1. Squid   March 23, 2016 at 12:41 am

    Rum pigs assemble – youse civvie cunts couldn’t fight your way outta of a wet pare bag compared to us cane champagne charging infantry boys from Gallipoli barracks giving a well deserved thrashing to the inner city trendies lisping there way through Enoggera each day,,, fight or fuck we say at the Alderley Alms after a couple of cheeky black rats and a few lobsters through the one armed bandits for a bit ta extra pay day advance for a big one on a box of the black rats… Barnaby is a pussy compared to us 6RAR boys ready for a serious scrap at the RE right at now… come at me youse pussies..

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