Guardian Reporters Trying Their Best Not To Acknowledge That Trump Is Going To Win This Thing

Guardian Reporters Trying Their Best Not To Acknowledge That Trump Is Going To Win This Thing

22 July, 2016 14:45

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Following both the Republican and Democratic Conventions, as well as the recent DNC wikileaks emails, political reporters from The Guardian are now trying their very best to cover the US Presidential election without acknowledging the fact that Donald Trump is almost a sure bet to win this thing.

Speaking to the Betoota Advocate today, former Herald journalist and now full-time Guardian writer, Finn Leverson (55) says that he and his coworkers are making the most of living in an alternate universe while they can.

“To keep our sanity, most of our team are just going to pretend that it could go either way from this poin,” he says.

“Because deep down we know this thing is going to get very real, very soon,”

Established in Britain in 1821 in reaction to the closure of the radical workers’ newspaper Manchester Observer, the now predominantly online newspaper (theguardian.com) has two international web sites, Guardian Australia and Guardian US. The Guardian is influential well known for playing the role of a more ‘progressive’ news provider in English-language online news.

As writers for The Guardian, Finn and Magnolia are very well aware that they will be some of the first pulled out of bed and placed in internment camps when Donald Trump becomes President.
As writers for The Guardian, Finn and Magnolia are very well aware that they will be some of the first people pulled out of bed and placed in internment camps when Donald Trump becomes President.

It is for this reason that their writers now feel like they are simply wasting air behind a keyboard, as they lay witness to the unstoppable rise of arguably the most uncouth, prejudicial and populist US Presidential candidate of all time.

“We really tried to get some alternative info out there” says Finn.

“But we were competing with a politicised, 24-hour branch of World Wrestling Entertainment,”

“It seems, much like Brexit, most voters just want to watch the world burn.”

Newly-hired, unpaid Guardian intern, Magnolia Smithers says she can’t believe the next President of America will be the man who’s campaign started with him falsely accusing Barack Obama of being an African-born Muslim sleeper cell.

“Even I think those conspiracies are a bit out there, and I’m an anti-vaxxer,”

“He’s been bankrupt five times and is on a podium talking about torturing people. It’s got to make you wonder”

“In my head, Bernie Sanders is still a nominee and Obama has another term…”

“I wouldn’t be able to do what I do if I didn’t lie to myself. Because when this thing actually happens, my office will be first cab off the rank for interment.”