Barnaby Joyce is icing his face today following a violent incident that allegedly started over a discussion about season 2 of Stranger Things that was not prefaced with a spoiler alert.
Two Tamworth locals have been taken into police custody and charged with aggravated assault. Witnesses claim the altercation started when the victim began describing the problems he had with the ending of Stranger Things 2.
“He just started talking about how we wished that [redacted] had more screen time and next thing you know his mates were just on top of him, punching him in his mouth to get him to shut up.”
Legal representatives of the perpetrators state their client’s actions were not malicious but done out of self-defence.
“Our client was only up to episode three of Stranger Things 2 and did not want to hear about the alleged shortcomings of the following episodes. Furthermore, we will be counter-suing for damages to awe-factor they would have otherwise experienced without the knowledge that episode seven is allegedly ‘skippable.’”
Speaking exclusively with The Advocate from the Tamworth sauna, Joyce said that he wasn’t going to spoil everything and mentioned that if the perpetrators really cared about what happened they would have finished it by now.
“It’s all available now, just binge it into the early hours of the morning like a normal person!”
“I wasn’t telling them everything that happened, I just wanted to mention that it was really charming when Dustin and Steve Harrington-”
Our interview was cut short when Joyce’s masseuse twisted his nipple as he was making this statement.
“Had to do it just at that moment. Plus I’m still on season one. No spoiler alert again. When will this guy learn?