DUSTIN WAGIN | Contributor | CONTACT
A new report claims that Australian youth are vulnerable to radicalization by their cousin Brad.
With the recent hysteria surrounding lone wolf attacks by gun-wielding extremists in France, Australia and Mali – both ASIO and other Government agencies have been scrambling to find a more efficient way to track and combat radicalization.
But with cousin Brad in town this just became a lot harder.
“It’s one thing keeping kids away from religious extremism and a warped since of martyrdom,” said Defence Minister Marise Payne, “but keeping them away from cool cousin Brad? It’s almost impossible.”
Experts have weighed in, stating that cousin Brad poses a far greater risk than ISIS when it comes to radicalization because he owns Tekken Tag on Playstation and will let you play it for hours.
“The problem with cousin Brad is that he can do a forward pivot nollie like it’s no big deal, and he has this sweet raptor claw tattoo that his girlfriend gave him with pen ink and a safety pin,” stated Clarence McTarrin, a international terrorism expert from the University of Chicago,
“Brad’s reckless lifestyle stems from the recent divorce of his parents,”
“The fact that he is often left alone to pursue these dangerous activities undisciplined is not lost on researchers. What Australian parents need to realise is that his influence appeals to all kinds of teenagers, particularly young men,”
“He seems to be getting away with quite a bit at the moment and it seems both parents are aiding this difficult phase,”
Cousin Brad has also acquired a fake ID and is offering to let vulnerable Australian youths have a couple UDLs if they don’t tell their parents.
Those who praise the concerning lifestyle of Cousin Brad can be easily identified by their dogmatic dress style, imitating the dangerous relative with their three-quarter WuTang denim shorts, FuBu basketball shirt, Echo visor, and Quicksilver chain necklace.
With Brad apparently applying for a jet-ski license next week, our Government’s fears of radicalization will only increase.