Australia And China To Settle Beef With Underground 100m Freestyle Between Horton And Sun Yang
LOUIS BOURKE | Culture | Contact
It has been 11 days since Prime Minister Scott Morrison demanded the Chinese Government apologise for a “repugnant” tweet featuring an Australian soldier murdering an unarmed civilian in the style of memes your cousin who owns over a dozen guns shares on Facebook.
Not wanting to look weak, the Morrison government has announced they are officially desperate but might...
15-Year-Old Tutar Sagdiyev Begins 2 Week Isolation Following Rudy Giuliani COVID-19 Diagnosis
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
US President Donald Trump says his personal attorney Rudy Giuliani has tested positive for coronavirus.
The president confirmed in a tweet today the former New York mayor had tested positive.
He is now reportedly isolating, but a top US Doctor has now claimed that the gaffe-prone lawyer for the outgoing President may have infected hundreds of other people with...
Bloke Working At Parkes Observatory Sighs After Being Asked To Provide Horoscopes At Pub Again
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Will Miller is a pretty friendly guy, who's often generous with his time.
But, since moving down to the Central West, he's had that personality trait tested somewhat.
The young bachelor with a love of all things science moved down to Parkes a couple of years ago to work at the Observatory - a CSIRO facility that's been at...
NZ Economy Recovers From Pandemic As Ardern Removes Social Distancing At Auckland Fish Market
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
New Zealanders will have free access to a Covid-19 vaccine, their Government confirmed during the opening of their new Parliament last Thursday.
The detail was included in the Speech to the Throne presented to Parliament, which also congratulated New Zealand citizens for their stellar work in eliminating community transmission of the coronavirus, twice.
The speech is written by the...
World’s Largest Economic Superpower Oddly Unfazed By Hurt Feelings Of Cronulla Marketing Guru
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The Chinese Government appears to be holding strong against Australian Prime Minister's demands for an apology over a doctored photo posted by a Communist Party official.
The photo, blasted as "repugnant" by the Prime Minister, had been altered to depict an Australian soldier holding a knife to the throat of a child atop the Australian and Afghanistan...
Trump Denies Selling White House Fixtures On eBay
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
As Trump continues to publicly deny his election defeat, White House officials say that behind closed doors he is preparing for a hasty departure, with a number of fixtures and fittings recently disappearing, only to reappear later on online auction sites.
“I don’t know how he is getting away with it” said an unnamed source.
“The desk in...
Disappointed Trump Starts Dismantling Racing Car Bed
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
After finally, sort of begrudgingly accepting the results of the election, Trump has a long road ahead as he prepares to move out of the White House and into one of his many properties while he patiently waits to find out what he'll be indicted for first.
But for a man not accustomed to confronting and admitting his...
Trump Admits 239,000 Elderly Voters Could Have Helped
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT
In a rare act of self-reflection, future former US President Donald J. Trump has admitted to sources that the ‘239,000 elderly votes would have helped’ during the election.
Taking a break from challenging every close state that fell the blue way to speak to the press, a sombre Trump admits he wished he’d handled the coronavirus epidemic a little...
Trump Finally Concedes 1983 America’s Cup Loss
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
In an unprecedented admission, Future Former President Trump has finally conceded that the 1983 America’s Cup was won by the creatively-named Australian yacht Australia II.
Australia II is a 12m racing yacht that was launched in 1982 and is not to be confused with the original Australia which is a much larger vessel with a crew of 25 million people.
In...
Trump Demands Recount After Missing Out On RSL Meat Tray
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
In an unexpected development, President Trump has caused a spectacle at the historic Betoota RSL over the weekend after missing out on the meat tray.
In what has been interpreted as an attempt to add credibility to his position after the disappointing election results, Trump visited the iconic RSL on Friday night, accompanied by a substantial Secret Service...