World News

America Celebrates A Return To Pillaging The Middle East And Bailing Out Wall Street Bankers

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Joe Biden has been sworn in as the 46th President of the United States today, after four years of chaos that came with the unexpected Republican outsider that was Donald Trump. Biden has since addressed America for the first time as President, vowing to end the "uncivil war" in a deeply divided country reeling from racial tensions and...

Government Says We Need New Apache Helicopters To Make Sure No More American Pigeons Invade Us

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Federal Government has earmarked $4.5 billion to spend on 29 new Apache attack helicopters to help prevent further invasions by American pigeons. Earlier this week, a racing pigeon got lost in America and turned up in Melbourne. Due to the biohazard risk, the government has said they will catch and kill the bird. "The risk...

American Military Finally Facing The Prospect Of A War They Might Actually Be Able To Win

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some exciting news from the United States of America, the nation's military forces are licking their lips at the chances of finally chalking up a victory on the battlefront. This comes as hordes of Donald Trump supporters prepare for another run at an insurrection this week. After the storming of Capitol Hill last week which left 5...

Miranda Devine To Take A Break From Twitter After Running Out Of Disabled Children To Vilify

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT As conservative Murdoch shills across are spun into an existential crisis triggered by their bosses telling them that Trump is no longer a good guy, News Corp columnist Miranda Devine has this week announced that she will be taking a break from Twitter. "I won’t be tweeting for a while. I feel twitter is so despicable that I...

Report: Imagine How Dead These People Would Be If They Weren’t White

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT A "mob" of people only really described as 'protestors supporting US President Donald Trump' has today clashed with Washington D.C law enforcement, sending the Capitol into chaos. The 'Trump Supporters' - who have not yet been referred to as rioters or looters, or even terrorists, have succeeded in locking down the building down and halting the vote to...

England Admits Pretending Nothing Is Wrong Not Good Strategy For Dealing With Global Pandemic

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Greater London and parts of Essex and Hertfordshire will be placed under Tier 3 restrictions from Wednesday, as Prime Minister Boris Johnson admits that a half-hearted approach to containing this virus that almost killed him might not have been the best strategy. The capital of England will move into the strictest tier of the UK's regional lockdown system...

Americans Frustrated Their Country Not Fixed Yet

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT The good people of America are today realising that the euphoric pressure valve that was the 2020 US Election was actually bullshit. Just over a month since their embattled President was given his marching orders from the White House, the positivity and hope that everything was going back to normal has since been vaporised by the crushing realisation...

Australia And China To Settle Beef With Underground 100m Freestyle Between Horton And Sun Yang

LOUIS BOURKE | Culture | Contact It has been 11 days since Prime Minister Scott Morrison demanded the Chinese Government apologise for a “repugnant” tweet featuring an Australian soldier murdering an unarmed civilian in the style of memes your cousin who owns over a dozen guns shares on Facebook. Not wanting to look weak, the Morrison government has announced they are officially desperate but might...

15-Year-Old Tutar Sagdiyev Begins 2 Week Isolation Following Rudy Giuliani COVID-19 Diagnosis

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT US President Donald Trump says his personal attorney Rudy Giuliani has tested positive for coronavirus. The president confirmed in a tweet today the former New York mayor had tested positive. He is now reportedly isolating, but a top US Doctor has now claimed that the gaffe-prone lawyer for the outgoing President may have infected hundreds of other people with...

Bloke Working At Parkes Observatory Sighs After Being Asked To Provide Horoscopes At Pub Again

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Will Miller is a pretty friendly guy, who's often generous with his time. But, since moving down to the Central West, he's had that personality trait tested somewhat. The young bachelor with a love of all things science moved down to Parkes a couple of years ago to work at the Observatory - a CSIRO facility that's been at...

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