World News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's Defence Minister has had to consume a little bit of humble pie today. Peter Dutton has been forced to issue a formal apology to global superpower China, after it was revealed where the source of this alleged laser pointing came from. This comes after Dutton kicked on with his Peter the Protector for PM campaign over...

The whole world is today united in their request for President Vladmir Putin to settle down cunt, as the biggest country in Europe looks set to invade the second biggest country in Europe. "Pull ya head in brus. Just let it go" said the world. "Don't worry about it. Settle would ya" The calls for the Russian President to woo up a...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT As the world furiously sweats over the possibility of a full-scale war erupting on the Ukraine-Russian border, one local newsagent is on standby to make some changes to their cartography products. Armed with a Staedtler Lumocolor 352 Permanent Black Marker and a fresh pair of scissors, South Betoota Newsagency owner Darrell Gibson (53) is standing at the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some exciting news from the Eastern European nation of Ukraine - Gus Gould is in the building! The iconic Rugby League commentator and personality has reportedly been flown over to provide a special occasion pre-game monologue for the global conflict about to kick off in Ukraine. On the eve of battle between the initial 130,000 Russian deployment...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT What started as an unexpected celebrity romance, has since turned into a historic moment in American pop culture, as American comedian Pete Davidson experiences the unbridled chaos that comes with dating a Kardashian. He joins a long list of NBA and NFL players, business figures, socialites and musicians who have been burnt by America's royal family. However, unfortunately for...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Pro-western Ukrainians are breathing a sigh of relief today after our very own Foreign Minister Marise Payne issued a stern ultimatum to Russia. Speaking with Russian President Vladimir Putin this morning, Payne reportedly told the global superpower that if they wanna blue, they need to hold up for a few decades. "I told him our single figure fleet...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT After 12-year hiatus, the fourth instalment in the Jackass movie franchise has nabbed the number 1 spot in the US box office. That is, despite the fact that this blast from the past is relying solely on ticket sales, as the peer-to-peer pirating of yesteryear is no longer available to a majority of today's youth. This means that for...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The world has breathed a collective sigh of relief today, with Russia finally backing down from a conflict with Ukraine. The backdown from Russian President Vladimir Putin comes after weeks and weeks of growing tensions on the Russian-Ukrainian border. Fears had been held of a full-blown conflict between Russia and Ukraine, with a significant amount of troops pulling...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Gossip columnists are in a frenzy this afternoon after some sensational images have surfaced online. Popping up a short time ago, popular US Comedian Pete Davidson has been papped going for an afternoon stroll with Aussie mining magnate Gina Rinehart. The images were taken outside the billionaire's Dalkeith palatial mansion in Perth, and are set to send shockwaves...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia is once again at the centre of global headlines, after our previously unknown Immigration minister Alex Hawke came to the defence of Scott Morrison and cancelled Novak Djokovic's visa on the grounds of 'public interest'. Novak Djokovic arrived in Australia just over a week ago, with plans to win a 10th Australian Open title. The 34-year-old was gunning...