The Nation

STEVE PORTER| Food | Contact There comes a moment in man's life when he comes to a fork in the road - should you just buy a pot of hair gel and surrender yourself to a life of Carlton Draught and $10 steaks? Or should you have one last crack at it? For a 37-year-old McDonald's manager, the choice was easy....

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Attempts to be healthy have today been quashed after a local woman found herself halfway through a soggy salad. Though her healthy lifestyle was always underscored by the weekend binge drinking, Lauren Hutchinson had convinced herself that she could somehow cancel out the mass hits of sugar by consuming lettuce leaves during the week. Which in reality, did little...

 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Ascot-based real estate tycoon, Darren Fanning (35) has today 'broken in' his brand spankin' Prado, after pulling the arse out and parking with two wheels on the nature strip outside his family home. Only months after picking up 'the beast' at Moorooka's magic mile, Darren is still yet to squeeze in a trip to Fraser Island with his other...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In a breaking story from the river city of Brisbane, The Advocate can officially confirm this morning that a promising young Rugby League player has decided to have an early one and curl up in his hotel room last night. The news comes this morning as the country prepares for the fallout from the NRL's decision to fly 300...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT When the dickheads at Betoota County Council realised they still had eighteen and a half mil in the bank right before the end of the 2004 Financial Year, it was clear what needed to be done; blow the lot on as many roundabouts as possible to make sure nobody higher up realised that too much money had been...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A yummy mummy from the French Quarter has today decided to throw her child in the deep end, using a popular cafe as a training ground to test her child’s food ordering skills. This incident has, of course, occurred at around 12:30 pm, which is when staff are rushed off their feet to keep up with the lunchtime...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Ponds personal trainer has admitted to The Advocate this afternoon that the only thing that previously stopped him from getting a sleeve tattoo was the seven fucks he had left to give. However, upon reading New York Times Bestseller, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck, Dennis Pooley cast those fucks to the wayside and booked an appointment...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A 19-year-old electrician's apprentice wearing a Unit flat brim has been given a Friday early mark today. That's judging by his excited violations of Queensland road rules. Ryan Breeston was seen giving her some as he hit the Bruce Highway exit ramp, pulling out of near bumper-to-bumper traffic on his way home. It is not known how Ryan was able...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Mum doesn't often treat herself to offloading domestic duties. Sometimes dad picks up the slack, sometimes one of the kids does, but mostly she wears it all herself. In fact, she often isn't content in watching anyone else do it and will often take control. However, once a month the folks treat themselves to a house cleaner. This is when...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT Imagine an out of tune cacophony of 27-year-old women singing along to What Would You Do by City High. Unfortunately for the neighbours of Jenice Frawley, they don’t have to imagine it, this is reality to them with the young revelers next door hitting their stride in song 3 of So Fresh Summer Hits 2002.  “What would you...