First-year can’t believe how loose he is having beers over lunch down at UniBar

"I've got a class at 3pm," he said. "And I'm drinking! [laughs]"

First-year can’t believe how loose he is having beers over lunch down at UniBar

24 March, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though he felt like it, first-year law student Gavin Hoskings didn’t sleep in and skip his morning lecture today. That would’ve been the first class the 18-year-old would’ve missed, a bad habit he said he didn’t want to fall into. However, the mild-overachiever broke with […]

Local winger settles on buying Toyota Prius to match his lack of mongrel

"It's got some get up and go," he said. "And it's great for the environment."

Local winger settles on buying Toyota Prius to match his lack of mongrel

24 March, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Shunning the traditional jingoistic neo-masculine convention of the footy player driving a hot ute or fast-four-door, a local first grade winger has settled on buying a Toyota Prius this morning after nearly a month of shopping around. Blown away by its sensibly frugal 1.5L petrol […]

Report: Majority Of People Who Care About 18C Attended ‘School Of Hard Knocks’

Report: Majority Of People Who Care About 18C Attended ‘School Of Hard Knocks’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report from the Australian Bureau Of Statistics has found that 90% of people who think the current wording of the racial discrimination act is the most pressing political issue in our country – attended the ‘School Of Hard Knocks’ according to their Facebook profile. The study shows that majority of the […]

Cool kids just sit in toilets nowadays after learning sitting is the new smoking

"You would have to be the dumbest cunt to smoke in school," they said. "It's so bad for you."

Cool kids just sit in toilets nowadays after learning sitting is the new smoking

23 March, 2017. 13:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Move over Winfield Sky Blues! There’s a new kid in town. After learning just how bad smoking is for you in a recent PDHPE class, a group of popular local high schoolers have shunned the filthy, working-class habit of smoking for something considered way cooler […]

Microwave manual ambiguously lists recipe for cooking entire chicken in it

"I would like to meet a creep who does this," he said. "You'd have to be a bit how ya going to cook a whole chicken in this science oven."

Microwave manual ambiguously lists recipe for cooking entire chicken in it

23 March, 2017. 13:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent microwave manufacturer has left instructions for how to cook an entire chicken on a sticker stuck to the top of the appliance – despite suggestion that a normal, well-adjusted person would never consider doing such a thing. “We put it there just in […]

Pickering Hysterically Laughs At Own Jokes About People Not From Inner-City Melbourne

Pickering Hysterically Laughs At Own Jokes About People Not From Inner-City Melbourne

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Charlie Pickering has today revealed that patronising people that aren’t from inner-city Melbourne is much easier to do while overlaughing at your own jokes about the way they speak and dress. The 39-year-old private school product turned shining beacon of left-wing elitism says repackaging Karl Stefanovic segments into condescending 5 minute series dog […]

Man terrified of saying wrong thing as dinner conversation shifts to feminism

"I don't want to appear ignorant," he said. "Which is hard because I'm not very clever but I have a heart of gold. I hope they understand."

Man terrified of saying wrong thing as dinner conversation shifts to feminism

22 March, 2017. 13:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A happy-go-lucky local man walked on egg shells last night as the dinner conversation shifted from the state of super rugby to feminism – a topic he knows is sensitive, but doesn’t honestly know much about. Gordon Greene throws shit into a skip for a […]

Local ant farmer feels let down by National Party

Local ant farmer feels let down by National Party

21 March, 2017. 14:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The so-called voice of all regional Australians has left one local ant producer feeling under-represented and hurt this afternoon after he was snubbed full primary producer membership of the National Party of Australia. With nearly 100cm³ of ant under management, Peter Dupont said he’s in the […]

CSIRO finds global warming failing to remove ice from regional Australia

"We thought the country would begin to thaw out as temperatures began to rise," he said. "We were wrong."

CSIRO finds global warming failing to remove ice from regional Australia

20 March, 2017. 14:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia’s peak scientific body has concluded this morning, after a decade-long study, that the rising global temperatures are having no effect on the amount of ice found in regional Australia. As first thought, the CSIRO predicted that as global warming and climate change wreak havoc […]

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