“I Don’t Even Know The Rules But Sure, I’ll Come To The Pub For Lunch And Watch The Cricket With You”

“I Don’t Even Know The Rules But Sure, I’ll Come To The Pub For Lunch And Watch The Cricket With You”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An overly-polite local chickpea merchant has taken an early mark today to follow his fellow primary produce colleagues down to the Dolphins Leagues Club to watch the cricket this afternoon – despite him not even knowing the rules. Alistair Peanut, of Woomerah Avenue, was asked by one or two […]

Local Weirdo Selects Cheque As Preferred Payment Option

Local Weirdo Selects Cheque As Preferred Payment Option

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT What the fuck? A South Betoota woman has just chosen to make a purchase with a cheque account, what’s the go there? After making a pretty run of the mill purchase of a tank of fuel, bottle of milk and some choccies, Mia Bouris (32) nonchalantly told the cashier that she wouldn’t be […]

Shannon Noll Lights Up Tamworth’s Peel St After Being Snubbed Of Golden Guitar Nomination

Shannon Noll Lights Up Tamworth’s Peel St After Being Snubbed Of Golden Guitar Nomination

LEROY PERCIVAL | Central-Coast Queensland Folk-Rock Editor | CONTACT In an applaudable act of defiance, Australia’s favourite country rocker, Shannon Noll left a plume of smoke throughout the streets of Tamworth last night after he was overlooked for Golden Guitar nomination. Eyewitness reports say Nollsy, who needs no introduction, was in full ‘zero-fucks-given’ mode as he entered Tamworth Tyre […]

Local Residents Celebrate ‘Big Town’ Status After Rumours Of A 2nd Maccas Are Confirmed

Local Residents Celebrate ‘Big Town’ Status After Rumours Of A 2nd Maccas Are Confirmed

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Today is a day of particular note for the small country town of Wellington in Central Western New South Wales. Today is the day the small country town became a big country town (according to it’s residents). The transitory process was initiated by the global fast food giant McDonalds submitting a Development […]

Christian Baker Shouldn’t Be Discriminated Against For Discriminating Against Gays

Christian Baker Shouldn’t Be Discriminated Against For Discriminating Against Gays

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As a member of the most politicised and considered minority in Australia, a devout Christian baker has today come out swinging against 61% of the nation who think his religious views should remain inside his head. George Pellen (48) says he shouldn’t be discriminated against for choosing to discriminate against gay people, even […]

Man Who Read Pocock’s Autobiography Happy To Field Any Questions About Zimbabwe

Man Who Read Pocock’s Autobiography Happy To Field Any Questions About Zimbabwe

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT In the midst of the on-going Zimbabwe Presidential crisis, a local Betoota man is offering to answer any Zimbabwe questions anyone might have, having once read David Pocock’s autobiography one time.   Zimbabwe is currently undergoing a tumultuous political coup, with current President Robert Mugabe refusing to step aside from the role despite […]

Report: Shane Is Looking Good

Report: Shane Is Looking Good

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by Monash University has found that cricketing great Shane Keith Warne is looking quite handsome, when it comes to body mass index, skin tone, hairstyle and facial symmetry. The study was conducted after calls to clarify whether Shane is looking good in general, or looking good in comparison to his […]

CSIRO Releases Computer-Generated Image Of What Kurt Cobain Would Look Like Now

CSIRO Releases Computer-Generated Image Of What Kurt Cobain Would Look Like Now

STEVE KOLBY | Music | Contact Australia’s peaking scientific body, the CSIRO, has treated the world to yet another technological breakthrough this afternoon. Using a researcher’s MacBook Pro and Photoshop, the organisation says they’ve been able accurately to predict what legendary musician Kurt Cobain if he were alive today. “We spent all afternoon on it,” said one public servant. […]

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