ABC Board Meet Liberal Council On Foggy Bridge To Trade Tony Jones For Their Future

ABC Board Meet Liberal Council On Foggy Bridge To Trade Tony Jones For Their Future

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Liberal Party council has met members from the ABC Board this morning at either end of a foggy bridge in Sydney to trade their defacto leader Tony Jones for their future existence. Earlier this week, the Liberal Party’s engine room voted to make privatising the public broadcaster part of their policy moving […]

Police Address Violence Against Women By Asking Google Maps To Remove Walking Option

Police Address Violence Against Women By Asking Google Maps To Remove Walking Option

RICK MOSS | Resolutions | CONTACT In the days since a tragic incident in Melbourne sparked a national debate over the safety of women in our country, police and government officials around the country have announced immediate action plans for protecting their testosterone-impaired citizens. Following their comments urging women to take responsibility of their own safety in suburbs […]

Optus CEO Says He Unplugged Modem And Blew Into The Outlet So Everything Should Be Sweet

Optus CEO Says He Unplugged Modem And Blew Into The Outlet So Everything Should Be Sweet

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Optus CEO Allen Lew has assured FIFA World Cup fans that everything should be sweet, after he unplugged the network modem himself, and blew air into the outlet before reinserting the cord. This comes as Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has been assured by the chief executive of Optus that the telco giant’s streaming issues […]

Irresponsible Woman Walks Somewhere

Irresponsible Woman Walks Somewhere

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local woman has today put her life at risk by taking part in one of the main forms of locomotion among legged mammals. While deciding how to best get between point A and point B, local woman Gloria Innes (27) irresponsibly assumed that she would be able to walk less than a kilometre in […]

Telstra Thank Customers For Being So Apathetic Over The Last Few Weeks

Telstra Thank Customers For Being So Apathetic Over The Last Few Weeks

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Countless coverage outages, terrible data plans and even worse broadband – a trifecta of terrible business attributes that would cause any company to change their tact. Unless you’re Telstra, this is just another day in the office for the telecommunications giant. “We’d actually be worried if everything ran smoothly” said Gerdt Vincent, […]

Tasmania Shakes Off Tired Inbred Jokes With Trendy Satanism

Tasmania Shakes Off Tired Inbred Jokes With Trendy Satanism

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After centuries of being giggled at for their shallow gene pool, Tasmania, with the help of an extremely rich man named David Walsh, is now cool. Designer, curator and patron of the MONA gallery in the state’s capital, Walsh has created a new dark arts scene for Tasmania – and it pairs very […]

Report: Your Little Cousin’s Been Working On His Arms

Report: Your Little Cousin’s Been Working On His Arms

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In case you didn’t notice the unnecessary chesty singlet he’s wearing in the middle of June, it’s worth noting that your 15-year-old cousin Tyler has taken an interest in his own body. After years of being a bit of a nerdy pipsqueak, and probably a bit more of a pretty boy than a […]

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