Sports

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A former rising star of the AFL has today met a fate written in the stars for some years now.  Daniel Gorringe has sensationally confirmed that he’ll be coming out of retirement to sign a 2 year contract with the Gold Coast Suns.  For those who aren’t aware, the Gold Coast is the final resting place for sporting careers in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In case you haven't heard the most exciting news since Barnaby Joyce's Canberra naptime, Opposition leader and former home affairs minister, Peter Dutton, has declared that the Labor government has “lost control” of the country’s borders. This follows the news that at least 40 men have been lucky enough to not drown in their efforts illegally immigrate to Australia...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Bahahahahahahahahahah England. Suck shit. This comes after the Poms succumbed to their second biggest ever test lost, only eclipsed by their hammering in 1934 to us. The final result was India losing by 434 runs in the Third Test match of the series, after crumbling for 122 in the second innings. It was also the biggest ever test...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Much like the Roman Senate in 180 AD, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has been saved by Russel Crowe this week. The PM dropped a knee last night - after completely forgetting to buy flowers for the missus on Valentines Day. Albo is set marry for the second time after proposing to his girlfriend Jodie Haydon, three years after their first...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While the NRL is going to Vegas, it seems certain clubs within Australia's domestic rugby union competition are going to the cleaners. According to an article published today by a major news company that has conflicting interests in the rivers of gold generated by NRL sportsbetting, The most recently established professional rugby union franchise is staring down the barrel...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Brisbane Broncos captain Adam Reynolds and his vice Patrick Carrigan have been forced to front a press conference today, as the rugby league media demand questions about a viral video that showed the two involved in scuffle on last night. Three weeks from the squad travelling to the US for the innaugral Las Vegas round, the duo were filmed...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With all eyes on Taylor Swift and her big meat head boyfriend, the MVP of the Super Bowl has quietly slipped away for some much needed R&R. Patrick Fucking Mahomes, the Quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs has already been spotted down at Myrtle Beach soaking up some rays. This comes despite the Chiefs (aka Taylor's boyfriend's team) winning...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Our friends across the dutch are today revelling in the show of a lifetime. Tuning in from milk bars and offices around the country, New Zealand has marvelled at a musical performance from a man at very the top of his game. The performance in question was that of superstar Usher, who took to the stage for the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Super Bowl LVIII between the Taylor Swift Boyfriend team and the Homeless Epidemic City's team kicked off at 10:30am AEDT today at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas Nevada. And that means that thousands of Australian gambling addicts and Americophiles are taking the day off work, to get extremely pissed and eat deeply unhealthy bar food. Australian NFL fans can catch...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's former Deputy Prime Minister is kicking off the week in style, it can be confirmed this morning. Barnaby Joyce, the New England man pocketing a few hundred grand a year to get on the piss in Canberra, has settled into a nice licensed establishment for the Super Bowl. Smacking his lips around a nice cold Budweiser,...