Local News

Local Woman Unable To Wear Gingham Without Looking Like A Picnic Table Or A Hospo Worker

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactCara McLachlan has this weekend found out the hard way that it’s almost entirely impossible to pull off a gingham print without looking like she’s either bringing someone food or the backdrop to a picnic, it’s reported. It’s alleged this realisation occurred after she went clothes shopping with her ruthless friend on the weekend, who was quick to...

Improv Guy Who Randomly Makes Weird Noises Reportedly Quite Keen For New Aunty Donna TV Show

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT An eccentric local office joker has today confirmed to The Advocate that he's eagerly counting down until this evening. Luke Crowe (29) from our town's Betoota Plains region explained that he's 'fairly excited for the new Aunty Donna TV show, to say the least, woooooo, ahhhhhh, eghhllllkkkkkkkkkk.' The theatre sports and improv guy known amongst friends for his tendency...

Local Woman Seen Transforming Into A Budgie After Being Seated In Front Of A Reflective Surface

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has found herself physically unable to tear her gaze away from her reflection this morning, despite not being one known for being full of herself. Meeting her bestie at 'Flick The Bean' cafe for a quick coffee before work, Anita Hudson told The Advocate that she was unfortunately not able to fully commit to the...

Profile That Reads ‘Something Casual’ And ‘Want Kids Someday’ Simply A Good Guy That Wants A Root!

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThough Betoota Ponds bloke Mitchell Ellis is on the lookout for a root, he still wants the ladies to know he’s a good guy, and does plan on settling down and having kids…just not with them. Taking to his Bumble profile, Mitch has made sure to let any prospective dates know of this by selecting both ‘looking for...

Woman Who Has A Great Relationship With Boyfriend Fully Prepared To Belt ‘Someone You Loved’ At Splendour

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactBetoota Heights woman Renee Hawthorn has today announced she plans on passionately belting out multiple Lewis Capaldi songs at Splendour in the Grass this year, despite being in a healthy seven year long relationship with her partner, Nathan.  This comes after SITG dropped their lineup this morning, which includes Lizzo, Mumford & Sons, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Flume, Tove...

“Why Should Indigenous People Get Special Treatment” Asks Man Who Makes Bank Off Franking Credits And Negatively Gears 4 Investment Properties

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A man who describes himself as having an 'engrained sense of fairness' has today explained to The Advocate an issue that has been weighing heavily upon him. Bardon Phillip-Smithson from Betoota Heights says he just can't see why in this day and age, our government is deliberately trying to divide people. "I don't understand why we need to...

Sweet Potato Called In Like Theatre Understudy Waiting For Big Break

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With a potato shortage rocking the world, sweet potato has been called in to officially bask in the starchy spotlight. Due to unprecedented frost and wet weather, only 50% of Australian farmed potatoes have been dubbed as sellable meaning all of Australia will be short on potatoes, Liberal party leadership excepted.  At the time of writing, supermarket shelves are running...

Drunken Teenager Personally Testing The Strength Of Every Single Sign On Street 

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Inebriated youth Lewis Lumpley (16) is doing his bit for his community tonight by personally testing the strength of every single sign on the street. While most young people his age would spend the aftermath of a bottle of Little Fat Lamb laughing at their own legs or turning the kitchen into a warzone, Lumpley decided to get out...

Streaming Service Now Recommending Easter Classics Whatever The Fuck They Are

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Streaming services are getting right into something allegedly called ‘the Easter Spirit’ by recommending some Easter classics, whatever the fuck they are. These days owning discs containing digital media is about as trendy as a racist fedora which is why 99% of films, tv and music are now enjoyed via a streaming service. With their boots now bigger than...

Mate With Quiet Love Life Fires Up Group Chat To Gauge Early Interest In Attending Magic Round

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A helpless Bachelor is attempting to fill his calendar tonight as he looks for a way to spice up his year. After spending the last six months suffering an unfortunate dry spell, which has included several ghostings from potential Bumble suitors, local Drummond Golf retail assistant Curt Trainor (31) has decided he’s going to book himself...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,365FollowersFollow

Breaking News