Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local bloke has been left in fear for his life this weekend, after his girlfriend was seen transforming into the scariest version of herself. With plans to enjoy a simple night in rewatching The Walking Dead, Joshua Holloway had no idea of the horrors that would await him in a few hours time - courtesy of the infamous...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Whoever said there was a man drought in the Greater Betoota Metropolitan Area were gravely mistaken. This myth was busted tonight, after local bachelor Dennis 'Big Denny' Dewson (33) went BIG for a date with a girl he met on the apps. Having perused her photos, which mostly showed her enjoying the sights of continental Europe on her post-pandemic eurotrip...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTStaying up to date with current online trends has reached outside of the world of digital media as a Betoota therapist has confirmed they are unwillingly up to date with basically everything that is happening on TikTok. With 100% of polite society now completely mentally ill, therapists around the world have been handed a licence to absolutely print money. For...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Clare Simpkins-Mattingly used to burn bras at University. She used to march against Australia's involvement in Vietnam, she she used to dream about travelling Africa to help the kids - but her staunch military father insisted she settle down and find herself a good rugby player with a future in small retailing businesses. She was introduced to her now husband,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local "Big Chungus" knows what he needs and wants in life, he says, which is why he'd rather knock the top off a Gaviscon stubbie in the morning to feel a bit better than adjust his lifestyle even a little bit. With a weekend of great consumption planned, Desert Rock FM news reader Derek...

ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | ContactIn a bold marketing move, Kim Kardashian’s shapewear line SKIMS has introduced a new accessory item to their slate, following public cries for some help, any help, to actually get inside them.  SKIMS Shapewear, or as anyone over the age of 30 knows it, ‘SPANX’, is an undergarment that helps create a smooth silhouette and sculpt your figure to...

ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | ContactAccording to data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) 2023, Australian households across the country have been hit with the largest increase in their cost of living in recorded history.  But that’s not all they’ve been hit with.  As a result, the nation’s child-free Millennials have also been hit with a solid excuse to give their Boomer parents as...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact Are you a bloke in your mid thirties looking to start a hobby? Check out our short guide of the only six hobbies you're legally allowed to choose from. Becoming An Expert On Hot Sauce Whether it’s because your taste buds are starting to wither, or because you quite literally want to inject some spice into your life, nothing screams...

ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | ContactA local ageing millennial was devastated today when she voluntarily and of her own free will, chose a Cherry Ripe from a Favourites box. Even when there were other options available.  When Jessica Jessicason arrived at the office at a prompt 11:02 am this morning (she was late as she had a doctor's appointment to get a blood test as...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA Betoota dad is finally demanding some damn respect around here by making a speakerphone call in the middle of his full family living room. Speakerphone technology was invented in 1948 as a way to trick people into thinking there were ghosts in the room with them, forcing them to sign up to help fight communism. Nowadays the speakerphone function...