Man in Early 30s Channels David Goggins After Missus Drags Him For A Walk That Is Actually Exercise
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA local man in his early 30s has channeled the unshakeable spirit of David Goggins after his missus dragged him on a walk that turned out to be, shockingly, actual exercise.
Eoin Murphy (31), had long considered himself a somewhat fit individual, and although he hasn't had to break a sweat in a few years, still fancies himself in...
Local Girl Now A Woman After Finding Herself Excited for Spontaneous Officeworks Run
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
Maddie Rooney (29) has realised she has finally reached full adulthood.
In an unexpected turn of events, Maddie has found herself unexplainably excited about a spontaneous trip to Officeworks to get new printer inks.
Maddie had long considered herself the embodiment of youthfulness , known for her disdain for anything dull and a phobia for anything remotely resembling responsibility. However,...
Hospo Staff Let Out Sympathetic Sighs As Glassie Announces He’s Off To Do 3 Months Picking Fruit
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactBar staff at the bustling French Quarter pub ‘The Badgers Arms' have this week offered some words of encouragement to a beloved staff member, after learning the poor sod was about to embark on his three months of slavery, should he wish to extend his working visa - also known as the dreaded ‘fruit picking.’
As roughly 80% of...
Local Company Boosts Office Morale By Organising A Mandatory Group Bonding Activity On The Weekend
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn owner of a boutique insurance agency has this week solved the ongoing malaise circulating amongst his employees, by organising a special little event for them all to partake in - planting trees on a Sunday morning!
Kicking off at 7am, employees at Big Logic Insurance are expected to spend at least four hours planting trees in the French...
Furiously Hand Written No Parking Sign Suggests Your Car Will Get Damaged If You Do Park There
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A resident of Betoota Grove has today been accused of failing to read between the lines.
Visiting a family member in our town's Flight Path District, Bryan Tadros has today paid the price for ignoring local authorities.
The waste disposal magnate has had his car severely damaged after parking somewhere he was explicitly told not to.
"Yeah, look,"...
Dad Finally Agrees To Exercise For 1st Time In A Decade By Sprinting As Fast As He Can For 1 Hour
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
An old fox is making up for lost time after finally giving into family demand and doing some damn exercise.
The fox in question is Peter Morb (58) of Betoota Ponds who claims to enjoy his life by frequently doing activities that shorten it such as drinking, smoking cigarillos and making sandwiches using frozen pizzas as bread.
With his family...
“Haha Watch Out” Says Pop As Extremely Venomous Eastern Brown Slithers Within Striking Distance
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local grandfather, Harold Page (90) has severely downplayed the danger of an Eastern Brown Snake finding its way into his backyard, during a family get together in his semi-rural Betoota Downs home.
The late afternoon lunch was briefly interrupted by a series of screams from the mums and aunties, who moved quickly to swoop up any children who found...
Yorkshireman Puts Finishing Touches On Beachside Apartment By Hanging Yorkshire Flag In Only Window That Faces Beach
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A man from English Queensland has turned his rented Lake Betoota apartment into a home this week by choosing to hang a Yorkshire flag in the only window that faces the beach.
Leeds man Sam Gallon explained to The Advocate that his polyester Yorkshire flag that he purchased on eBay arrived yesterday and despite having...
Cricketer Recovers From Tense 15 Minutes In The Nets With Warm Strawberry Milk From Kit Bag
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
Thick warm glugs of strawberry milk are going down a treat this afternoon as a grade cricketer refuels from an intense session in the nets.
Averaging just 14 runs last season, opening batsman for the Betoota Dugongs Stuart Hogg has hit this season's training sessions with added focus, especially after getting out for a golden duck in...
Undercover Cop Really Hoping For Conversation To Move Beyond Knowledge Of Motorcycles
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTIt is a hard knock life for one unlucky UC copper who has wasted yet another useless night in the clubhouse talking about bloody motorcycles again.
Special Officer Flop Limpy (fake name used to protect identity) has successfully infiltrated the Betoota chapter of Craster’s Sons, a Game of Thrones themed 1% bikie gang who started in 2011 when no...
