Indecipherable, Obscure Text From Dad Took Him 40 Minutes To Write

Indecipherable, Obscure Text From Dad Took Him 40 Minutes To Write

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact According to a study conducted by Australia’s chief scientific body, the CSIRO, close to 8 in 10 Australians under the age of 25 has received an obscure, barely comprehensible text from a parent. This afternoon, local student Julie Dalhasse became one of those 8. The 21-year-old event management second-year […]

Local Kindy Teacher Finally Free Of These Little Bastards For Two Weeks

Local Kindy Teacher Finally Free Of These Little Bastards For Two Weeks

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular early childhood teacher at East Betoota Primary School can almost feel the sem sauv blanc run down her throat this afternoon as she counts the hours down until she’s on school holidays. Dahlia Weilson, 24, is just about half way through her first full year as a full-time […]

Melbourne-bound flight delayed after pilot loses the keys

Melbourne-bound flight delayed after pilot loses the keys

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A pilot has been reprimanded by his superiors this afternoon after it’s alleged the 27-year-old left the keys to the airline’s late model Boeing at home. Stephen Morris, a Connellan Airways employee, was said to have misplaced the keys on the way to the airport and only noticed once he […]

Man Can’t Help But Laugh After Compiling Most Fraudulent Tax Return Yet

Man Can’t Help But Laugh After Compiling Most Fraudulent Tax Return Yet

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An underemployed graduate of the exclusive South Betoota TAFE College has compiled his most fraudulent and dishonest tax return to date this afternoon ahead of July 1. Fergus Blister, a qualified horticulturist, works as a sandwich maker at a nearby cafe during the day and occasionally runs cockfights in his […]

Newly-Qualified Real Estate Agent Confirms He Peaked In High School

Newly-Qualified Real Estate Agent Confirms He Peaked In High School

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A former rugby sensation is starting a new chapter in his life this morning after finally finding his true passion in life. Michael Priestly, a graduate of East Betoota’s exclusive Cartwright College for Boys, passed his real estate exams last week. The 29-year-old was immediately offered a place at Coleman […]

Local father returns home from Dark Mofo with more questions than answers

Local father returns home from Dark Mofo with more questions than answers

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being roped in by his wife and eldest daughter, a West Betoota agronomist ventured down to Tasmania for the ‘Dark Mofo’ festival for a much-needed break. However, Dennis Beckmann explained to The Advocate this afternoon that he didn’t really feel like he had a break and that he didn’t […]

Local Kick-on’s Vibe Completely Ruined By The Sun Coming Up

Local Kick-on’s Vibe Completely Ruined By The Sun Coming Up

19 June, 2017. 12:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A South Betootanese 47-year-old volunteered the use of his mid-50s Californian bungalow to a group of mates last night after they all got kicked out of a nearby licensed venue. Pyotr Blyat, a systems administrator at the local shire, instructed a number of friends to […]

Strawberry Blonde Tired Of Being Lumped In With The Filthy Rednuts

Strawberry Blonde Tired Of Being Lumped In With The Filthy Rednuts

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being teased relentlessly all through primary school about his ‘auburn’ hair, a local strawberry blonde has lashed out of those in the community who lump people like him in with redheads. Nathan Nalbandian, 28, spoke to The Advocate this afternoon about the issues he’s had over his life […]

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