CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local patriot, Sherman Burgent, says his poor interpersonal skills have nothing to do with the fact that he hasn’t been invited to an Australia Day party. “These filthy lefties, mate” “Those whingeing soap-dodgers hate this country” Despite the fact that there are at least six Australia day parties happening in his […]
"I suppose it's not that bad. But what does it lead to?
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia’s beleaguered Aboriginal communities are particularly vulnerable to an array of social issues, however, nothing compares to the rise of flawless and very impressive wheelies, which seem to also have firm grip on the Indigenous youth. “They’re deadly” says local jarjum, Braith Bridley (12). “My cousin, Jai did two […]
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In what can only be described as a complete an utter embarrassment to both family names, recently-engaged South Betoota forensic accountant, Molly Tuxworth (29), has failed to bring in over 100 Facebook likes on her seemingly staged engagement photo. Uploaded with the caption: “So this happened…” Molly believes she was not treated […]
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local mum, Annabelle Illet, has been suggesting that her newborn son and 4-year-old labrador are blood related, it has been confirmed through her rampant social media use. Through posting photos of her son along with the family dog, Bruno, the 32-year-old high-end tupperware saleswoman has led her Facebook friends to believe that […]
"I just want to be fully transparent with the supply chain. It's gotta be organic."
ESSIE BURKE | Human Interest | CONTACT Basic foods with a pretentious twist are being offered at extortionate prices on Betoota’s main street as a fast talking blow-in from South Brisbane opens the town’s first hipster cafe. Justin Hampel, a 37-year-old wastrel with a trust fund and a bullish belief in his entrepreneurial skills, said he had “curated a menu which […]
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite the fact that he grew up in very similar socio-economic circumstances to the ones he provided his own children with, local dad Peter Stretton (58) talks about his upbringing as though his area was a failed state. “In my day we had to walk 20 miles barefoot just to get to […]
"I had given the old sandwich press a wide berth because my coworkers refused to clean it and it was caked with coagulated cheese,"
ESSIE BURKE | Human Interest | CONTACT Terry Cranston was ready to quit his soul-destroying job as a customer service officer when a seemingly second-hand sandwich press arrived in the lunchroom at his South Betoota office. The 46-year-old opted against hitting send on a terse letter of resignation and instead took his multigrain cheese and tomato sandwich from the […]
"If any of these dorks want in, I'm gonna make the call"
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Even though it’s Monday, the Brightley Lawyers Christmas Party is as boozy as an awkward staff event can be. Booking out a local rooftop bar with river views, they have an endless bar tab and permission to really let their hair down. Local para-legal, Richie (27), doesn’t know if any of his work-obsessed […]
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Lord Kidman Hotel, located in the inner-Betoota suburb of Roma Hills, has been fined for not taking into account the fact that the neighbouring residents expect to be able to go to sleep whenever they want. Despite standing in the same spot for 150 years and being owned and run by the […]
"You bang dough, I'll drop you like a hot potato," he said.
25 November, 2016. 12:02 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IF YOU’VE EVER BEEN A bit slow off the mark in a northern Australian stockyard, chances are you’ve been called a ‘dough-banging cunt’ once or twice in your life. But for Gulf Country stockman Nathan Decanter, he likes to put a bit of AC/DC behind […]