CSIRO To Fund Study Into Why Cats Do The Things They Do

CSIRO To Fund Study Into Why Cats Do The Things They Do

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It’s hardly news but Australia’s peak scientific body, the CSIRO, is launching a study into why cats do the things they do that make us sad. Spurred on by a recent episode with his feline life companion, CSIRO researcher Gavin Pooley decided to get to the bottom of why his cat seems to […]

Wasted Local Man At Gig Tells Soundie To Turn The Bass Guitar Up

Wasted Local Man At Gig Tells Soundie To Turn The Bass Guitar Up

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite there not being a bass guitar on stage, a local concert-goer took it upon himself last night to wander over to the sound technician to tell him to turn the bass up. Trying desperately to catch the soundies eye during the third song, Hamish Madden told The Advocate […]

Local Dog Stops Thunderstorm With Bark

Local Dog Stops Thunderstorm With Bark

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular Betoota Ponds golden retriever has reportedly stopped a local thunderstorm this afternoon by barking at it. With each boom and crash of the passing tempest, Brett, the 11-year-old canine in question responded with an equally as loud bark. A short time later, the clouds began to disperse […]

Local Man’s Day Sufficiently Bad Enough To Warrant Purchase of Frozen Pizza, White Wine

Local Man’s Day Sufficiently Bad Enough To Warrant Purchase of Frozen Pizza, White Wine

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Stephen Kovari has had an absolute cunt of a yesterday. Speaking to The Advocate from his humble Betoota Ponds studio apartment, the 36-year-old salesperson said everything could go wrong did go wrong, before paraphrasing the rest of the song’s more offensive lyrics. First, his boss called him into his office first thing. “We […]

Betoota’s New Monorail To Service Hundreds Until It’s Scrapped In 2026 For No Reason

Betoota’s New Monorail To Service Hundreds Until It’s Scrapped In 2026 For No Reason

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Lauded as ‘The Channel Country’s Clem7″ the new Diamantina monorail service was launched today by Betoota mayor Councillor Keith Carton and several other neighbouring mayors. Servicing Boulia, Windorah, Betoota, Birdsville and Bedourie – the 1000 kilometre elevated railway system will service hundreds of tourists and about 70 locals who can afford to use […]

“Coal Is Actually Pretty Neat” Says Point Piper Man With Solar Panels And Hybrid Car

“Coal Is Actually Pretty Neat” Says Point Piper Man With Solar Panels And Hybrid Car

GREG PONCHO | Canberra et al. | Contact A popular Point Piper public servant has sighed repeatedly over his cappuccino this morning after realising that all the renewable and sustainable energy technology he invested in previously isn’t compatible with the future. Malcolm Turnbull, the 29th and current Prime Minister of Australia, told neighbours that he […]

Three Months On And They’re Both Still Talking About Cryptocurrency

Three Months On And They’re Both Still Talking About Cryptocurrency

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact “To understand cryptocurrency, you have to first understand what normal currencies are,” said Tom Leary to his partner-of-sixteen-years, Daphne Wallace. “Before currencies existed, you had individuals trading and bartering their services with other individuals. Do you follow?” Daphne wasn’t following. They were driving to Sunday brunch at Carmichael Brock’s Betoota Grove […]

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