Red P-Plates On VW Golf A Fairly Good Indication Dad’s Making Bank

Red P-Plates On VW Golf A Fairly Good Indication Dad’s Making Bank

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact A link between the Volkswagen Golf and young women from affluent households has been discovered in a recent report published by theHousehold Wealth Index (HWI). Parts of the study suggests most Volkswagen Golfs adorned with red P-Plates are registered to an address in Betoota Grove – the traditional LNP heartland […]

Resident Cockroach Appalled By The Living Conditions In Local Share House

Resident Cockroach Appalled By The Living Conditions In Local Share House

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact “These people are animals,” he said. “I can’t it any longer, I’m moving out.” Peter the Cockroach only moved into the homely but ultimately unlivable Betoota Heights townhouse in October – but even an insect as notoriously filthy as he is cannot stand the mess. Three residents will be left […]

Spraying Deodorant Over Naked Flame Still Cool According To Local Hellraiser

Spraying Deodorant Over Naked Flame Still Cool According To Local Hellraiser

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A 16-year-old Betoota Grove boy woke this morning with a sense of immense pride. Last night Nick Green impressed guests at his sleepover by successfully executing the flamethrower, a stunt that sees antiperspirant deodorant sprayed over a naked flame. The Advocate caught up with Nick shortly after his […]

Two-Star Health Rating On Bacon & Egg Pie Fails To Deter Local Prop From Devouring Four

Two-Star Health Rating On Bacon & Egg Pie Fails To Deter Local Prop From Devouring Four

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact John ‘Stagecoach’ Pettiford is a complex man with simple needs. He drinks when he’s dry and eats when he’s hungry. This afternoon, the 28-year-old was just starving. On the walk home from his local MetroLine stop in Betoota’s fabled Danish Town, the fourth-grade Dolphins co-captain popped into his local føtex to see what caught […]

Wearing A Trench Coat In Summer The Least Weird Thing About Local Lone Wolf

Wearing A Trench Coat In Summer The Least Weird Thing About Local Lone Wolf

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact “He sometimes even wears gloves,” said one classmate. “I’ve seen him with a scarf wrapped around his neck – the same day it was so hot, the goannas were frying on the sand,” said another. They’re talking about is Bont Coleman, a well-known local drifter who controversially enrolled in the South Betoota Polytechnic […]

Community-Minded McDonalds Worker Always Rounds Up When Counting McNuggets

Community-Minded McDonalds Worker Always Rounds Up When Counting McNuggets

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular part-time crew trainer at the Daroo Street McDonald’s Family Restaurant has revealed to The Advocate that he sneaks extra McNuggets into customer’s orders because he’s community-minded and ‘fast-food Robin Hood’. Douglas Milton, a 24-year-old student at the South Betoota Polytechnic College, said he rounds up to the nearest […]

Ageing Laptop Mercifully Euthanised For The Third Time Today

Ageing Laptop Mercifully Euthanised For The Third Time Today

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Affectionately known as ‘Tracey the Toshiba’ by those close to her, a local laptop has been tragically put to sleep for the third time today by her owner after freezing yet again. Frowning and sighing from behind his lecture desk, Mark Dengue gently held down Tracey’s power button until she drifted off into […]

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