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“Surprise Surprise” Laugh Nation’s Parents As Marie Kondo Reveals She’s Given Up On Tidying

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some inevitable news which comes as a surprise to no one in particular, Marie Kondo has revealed that 'she's kind of given up on tidying.' The huge admission comes after the birth of her third child, with the Queen of Clean seemingly relinquishing the crown. “My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time...

Tennis Fan Just Loves Matches That Leave You Horribly Anxious And Under-Slept Like Last Night

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local HR professional, Shel Monterey (31) has today arrived at her South Betoota office today with bags under her eyes and a wry smile. It isn't because she blew her mind partying over the weekend, and it isn't because of new developments in her love life. The over-caffeinated edge and satisfied grin is directly related to the fact that she...

Panic! At The Disco Break Up Now That Teenagers Have Real Things To Feel Sad About

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact American sadmen Panic! At The Disco have decided to pull the pin on their 20-year long stretch with the lead singer, Brendon, telling fans that he's having a baby and won't have any more time to make records with his band. The news has left fans reeling with many taking to social media to share...

Calls For Holden To Start Making Electric Cars Grows Louder After Market Demands EVs With Fucked Timing Chains And Doors That Fill Up With Water Every Time It Fucking...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There are growing calls in the automotive community to rebirth local car manufacturer Holden and put it to work making electric vehicles for the Australian market as demand for them grows expontentially. For generations, Australians looked to Holden for their automotive needs and the brand still holds a deep resonance with the public at large. Industry...

Qantas Flight Arrives At Destination As Scheduled

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Qantas flight from Brisbane to Betoota arrived this afternoon at 3pm as scheduled. The flight left Brisbane at 1pm and despite expectations from all on board, it arrived without a problem and the passengers were able to disembark without fear, panic or even relief. "It was a pretty standard type of flight," said one economy...

Advice Column | Finding God As A Means To Enhance Your Small Business’ Customer Base

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT Is your small business struggling to find new customers? You’re not alone. Many small business owners, including myself, have had a hard time adjusting to the post-Covid economy. We have been unable to claw back those customers we lost during peak-Covid, and we are now genuinely looking down the barrel of being forced to close...

Futuristic Power Plant That Converts Homeless People Into Green Energy Attracts Government Attention

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the Federal Government looks to help ease the national housing crisis and achieve net zero by 2030, a proposed new type of power plant has piqued the interest of state and federal energy bodies. One major problem facing the nation as it enters 2023 is that there's simply too many people in Australia who...

National Drug Dealers Association Call On Perrottet To Resign And End War On Their Laundries

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The President of the National Drug Dealers Association (NDDA) has called on disgraced NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet to resign over the Nazi costume controversy and end his crusade against one of the most critical parts of their industry. Drug money is brought to New South Wales from around Australia for the purposes of it being...

Cardinal Pell Dead At 81 Following Complications From Hip Surgery

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Cardinal George Pell has died in Rome aged 81 following hip surgery. The most senior Vatican figure to be convicted of sex abuse charges, the Vatican announced that Cardinal Pell died peacefully moments after a visit from Pope Francis who brought with him one of Pope Benedict's pillows to help comfort him. Cardinal Pell became a...

Betoota Advocate Staff Finally Return To Work After Dragging Out ‘Best Of 2022’ Well Into January

LIL SOOK | UNPAID INTERN | CONTACT The editors, field reporters and cadets of The Betoota Advocate have today finally returned to the newsroom on Daroo street today, after blatantly taking a week off. This all became clear when both The Betoota Advocate's official social media and the newspaper's website dedicated an entire week to rehashing the 'best of 2022' - a very decadent exercise...

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