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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A local tradie has proved why he didn’t become a vet today by inaccurately describing a colleague’s lunch as food for a rabbit. In Australia, it is a well acknowledged fact that trades people are the number one enjoyers of lunch which is why servos, takeaway joints and those that are a bit of both, offer gut-busting, calorie rich...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The United States Military has today confirmed that it is finally getting some bang for its buck. After a couple of decades of terrorising the Middle East, the most well resourced army in the world is now enjoying the fruits of its spendings. This follows the shooting down of a fourth balloon over US or Canadian airspace in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A token office pom that often blows into conversations with yet another gripe about Australia has chimed in predictably to a chat amongst blokes regarding the manner in which the Nagpur curators have prepared the pitch for the first Test. "These Indians are shameless!" said John Bailey, a salesman in LinkedIn's Betootacone Valley headquarters. "I can't...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott is eyeing a political comeback, he says, after receiving many back pats and compliments for his touching eulogy for known pedophile protector and facilitator Cardinal George Pell. There is a casual vacancy in the Federal Senate due to the death of Jim Molan earlier this year, leaving his spot...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a recent visit to Canberra, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese presented a gift to his Kiwi counterpart Chrus Haepkuns - a special edition of Luude's drum and bass remix of New Zealand's national anthem, "God Defend New Zealand." The move has been met with mixed reactions, with many Kiwis taking to social media to voice...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some blimp-headed fuck from Betoota Heights has told friends this week that he can't wrap his head around renting because why would you choose to do that when you could just live at home with your parents. It's one money saving trick that Shannon Mallory, a 31-year-old physiotherapist, is ready to dish out to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The rate boss of Australia Philip Lowe has all but guaranteed another mammoth increase in interest rates today after he saw a young man put a giant new TV on buy now pay later platform AfterPay. It goes against what Mr Lowe says he's trying to do. Speaking to The Advocate ahead of today's Reserve Bank...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being told to watch 1993 Australian cult classic picture Bad Boy Bubby by one of his film buff mates, a Betoota Heights man has been left with more questions than answers. The last movie that Sam Elwyn saw was the new Top Gun one, something he thought was marvellous. That's his taste, he says,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some old cunt from Sydney has asked protestors at St Mary's Cathedral to "show some respect" today because they're burying their king. Roland Smith, a 70-year-old social and economic handbrake on our society, explained to our Sydney correspondent that the people who've come to hurl abuse at Cardinal Pell today need to start giving the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some good news, it can be confirmed that the tiny radioactive capsule that went missing on a Western Australian highway has been found by none other than the truck driver's mum, after an exhaustive week-long search. On January 25th, mining company Rio Tinto reported that one of their Caesium-137 radioactive capsules had gone missing from a truck, having...