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ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Betoota Heights Coles has a meat bandit and he's become a hero to the community this week after the big two supermarkets posted record profits on the back of the cost of living crisis. Speaking to The Advocate under the condition of anonymity, the meat bandit said he was raise a good Catholic and...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local father of three has today explained to The Advocate his frustration with the new government. Speaking to us from the coffee shop in one of the neighbouring cafes to our newsroom, Graham Wallis said he's already had enough of this 'virtue signalling bullshit.' "It's just too much," explained Graham. "I mean, publicly elected officials going out...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact The sweet scent of lavender has this morning wafted across the nostrils of primary school teacher, Lauren Goss (33), as she replaced the bin bags in her kitchen. The sweet scent comes after Goss and her white collar boyfriend, Patrick Clompers (34), made the happy realisation that being a two-income household is pretty fucking awesome. Despite the increasing financial pressures...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A run of the mill white collar guy from our town’s very own Betoota Ponds is today preparing to depart the real world.  Albert Johnson, who is described as a ‘just a regular guy’ by his friends, family and intimate partner, is reportedly set to become a smuggler for the better part of the next 48 hours, after purchasing...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A local Dribbler has gone a little rogue in the snacks aisle this evening, as he attempts to cure his case of February blues. With the BBL wrapped up, the Aussie UFC card done and dusted and no live Rugby League yet on the TV, local bloke Jayden Minto told The Advocate that his entire existence seemed...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the forgotten victims of Treasurer Jim Chalmer's proposed super tax reforms has broken his silence, telling The Advocate that his very way of life is under threat. The boat-owning, hobby farmer explained that the government is moving the goal posts. "You can't just change the rules like that," said Martin-Bertram Bertram-Martin, a semi-retired financial...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The boss of Australia's favourite airline has today moved to hose down any silly questions from the nation's reporters. Alan Joyce has quickly assured the public not to get any funny ideas after Qantas posted a record $1.4 billion half year profit. "Don't be stupid, Qantas doesn't pay tax," laughed the man who raked in a $23.9 million...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact A relatively well-built young man with questionable fashion sense has made his way down from the Central West of New South Wales to the beating heart of Sydney this week in anticipation of a weekend of sport. On Friday night, David Brown of Manildra fame will be heading to the new stadium in Moore...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Phones have been running hot across hair salons in the Diamantina this week, as local netball Mums scramble to book in a new hair appointment. The mad rush comes after the Queen of Chardonnay Pop, P!nk, has announced that she will be returning to Australian shores in early 2024 with her much anticipated “Summer Carnival” tour. Playing a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the nation's greatest drought minds has weighed into the ongoing crisis in Venice that's seen the city's iconic canals dry up due to a lack of snowmelt and rainfall. The unsinkable Barnaby Joyce told Sydney radio this morning that people shouldn't be too quick to blame the Italian cotton industry. "Just because the rivers...