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Local Senior Asks His Son To Please Stop Calling His Retirement Village A “Boomer Gulag”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In the quiet suburb of Betoota Heights, a senior resident of the local retirement village has had enough of his son's disrespectful and insensitive language. For months now, the man's son has been referring to the retirement village as a "Boomer Gulag", much to the annoyance of the senior residents who call the place...

New Owners Of Brisbane’s Victory Hotel Vow To Maintain The Heritage Stickiness

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIt’s a sad day for our brothers and sisters in Brisbane today, as it can be officially confirmed that beloved pub ‘The Victory Hotel’, will be shutting down after a whopping 168 years of operation. Having survived multiple fires, a pandemic and what can be assumed is approximately 3000 gigatons of human waste over the years  ,it appears the...

RBA Boss Philip Lowe Says Triggering Total Collapse Of Society And Civil War Through Prudent Monetary Policy Are Steps He’s Willing To Take In Order To Keep Downward Pressure...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Reserve Bank chief Philip Lowe has revealed the steps he's willing to take in order to kill the inflation beast that's currently running rampant across wider Australian society. Mr Lowe told a Senate Estimates hearing today in Canberra that jacking up interest rates to the point where society collapses and civil war breaks out might...

Comm Bank Confirm Their Record $5.1 Billion Profit Is A Necessary Part Of Curbing Inflation

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Commonwealth Bank of Australia has today confirmed that everything is working the way it should be. After months and months of rate rises added to an already ballooning cost of living crisis, the good people at Comm Bank have revealed that them making record profits is a crucial part of getting the economy in check. The formerly...

Tradie Apparently Thinks That Rabbits Eat At Boujee Vegan Cafes

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A local tradie has proved why he didn’t become a vet today by inaccurately describing a colleague’s lunch as food for a rabbit. In Australia, it is a well acknowledged fact that trades people are the number one enjoyers of lunch which is why servos, takeaway joints and those that are a bit of both, offer gut-busting, calorie rich...

$850 Billion Defence Budget Really Getting A Work Out On These Balloons

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The United States Military has today confirmed that it is finally getting some bang for its buck. After a couple of decades of terrorising the Middle East, the most well resourced army in the world is now enjoying the fruits of its spendings. This follows the shooting down of a fourth balloon over US or Canadian airspace in...

“These Indians Are Shameless Cheats!” Says Cricket Casual That Reckons No Home Team Has Ever Doctored A Pitch

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A token office pom that often blows into conversations with yet another gripe about Australia has chimed in predictably to a chat amongst blokes regarding the manner in which the Nagpur curators have prepared the pitch for the first Test. "These Indians are shameless!" said John Bailey, a salesman in LinkedIn's Betootacone Valley headquarters. "I can't...

“Now, For My Political Comeback” Says Abbott After Receiving Universal Acclaim For His Pell Eulogy

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott is eyeing a political comeback, he says, after receiving many back pats and compliments for his touching eulogy for known pedophile protector and facilitator Cardinal George Pell. There is a casual vacancy in the Federal Senate due to the death of Jim Molan earlier this year, leaving his spot...

PM Albo Gifts NZ PM A Special Gift From Us All: A Luude DnB Remix Of ‘God Defend New Zealand’

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a recent visit to Canberra, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese presented a gift to his Kiwi counterpart Chrus Haepkuns - a special edition of Luude's drum and bass remix of New Zealand's national anthem, "God Defend New Zealand." The move has been met with mixed reactions, with many Kiwis taking to social media to voice...

Bloke Still Living At Home Ready To Dish Out Some Free Financial Advice If Anybody’s Listening

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some blimp-headed fuck from Betoota Heights has told friends this week that he can't wrap his head around renting because why would you choose to do that when you could just live at home with your parents. It's one money saving trick that Shannon Mallory, a 31-year-old physiotherapist, is ready to dish out to...

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