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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A forward thinking young man has today wowed his family, friends and workplace with an incredible display of logistical nous. Aaron Harley (24) from Betoota's Flight Path District has shown off his supreme foresight by texting his partner this morning and suggesting they leave a bit early this arvo. "Let's try and beat the traffic aye," texted Aaron,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactThe vibes in the NSW police office were reportedly pretty low this afternoon, as officers learned they would no longer have the opportunity to strip search people at this year’s Splendour in the Grass, due to the flagship musical festival being cancelled. It’s alleged the strip search task force had been really looking forward to this year’s event, stating...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The AFL is dealing with its second crisis in as many days, after some shocking news has broken out of the Melbourne Demons training ground. Sources close to the Demons have revealed that the team's game against the Port Adelaide Football Club this weekend is in serious doubt. In a throwback to the days when games were cancelled...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The AFL has finally responded to a set of damning allegations that were levelled in parliament yesterday. Instead of trying to sweep things under the carpet like they normally do, league bosses have chosen to come clean about the raft of claims made by noted transparency activist Andrew Wilkie. "It's time we addressed the speculation. Drug use within the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Bree and Brendon Thompson just can't stop kicking goals. The trailblazing young couple from Betoota Heights have this week wowed their friends, by winning the race to another one of life's significant milestones. The couple were the first in their extended friendship circle to get engaged, married and buy a house, ticking off a number of goals ahead...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A scary reality is facing some of Australia's most vulnerable people this year, as tough economic times continue to bite. Landlords across our great property speculating land are coming to terms with the fact that some of them might have to sell an investment property, or maybe even two. The horrific prospect comes after the Reserve Bank of...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A brand new “retro-style” Roosters jersey has been handed into a Bondi Junction laundromat this week after being debuted at Allianz Stadium over the weekend. The Advocate understands that at approximately 10:15am yesterday morning Hugo Chiswick (28), from Paddington, needed to drop the jersey into Double Bubble Laundry on Oxford Street for a fresh steam clean. Born and...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A man from Betoota Heights has today moved to calm fears about the dating scene around town. Jeffrey Gregory (27) from our town's cul-de-sac capital has spoken to The Advocate about the current state of singles market. "Mate, there's a fair bit of carry on from these sheilas, isn't there," laughed Gregory. "I not really sure what they...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Free Peoples of the South Island have today come together for a historic meeting. The Council of Hobart kicked off this morning, with different groups from all over the Island descending on the capital to discuss how to form a government. This comes following Saturday's state election in Tasmania, where it became evident that no party would...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Supermarkets around the country are today facing shortages not seen since the aftermath of that bloke fucking around with a pangolin. Certain shelves of supermarkets and chemists all around Australia have been skinned clean this afternoon - reminiscent of those strange times in 2020/21. The cause for the consternation is the release of a new health concept that has seen...